True Lice

attak

♪ This is something hella’ great! ♫♩

♩ ♬ It’s something mega hella’ great! ♪

🎹 What is it? It’s Lab. Room 19’s two new volumes! 🎹

💀 Horror games per day [?], up until the Samhain date. 💀

/$/ Arcade games per buck, win yourself something from the STEAM truck! /$/

❣ Make sure to also donate or draw us a cute Lab. member today. ❣ 🙇

☢ Where are the new posts? ☢

🌠 Where are the good video games? 🌠

☮ I am too lazy for either of them, so just relax! ☮

⇬ What about the updates? ⇬

✟ When is my request going to be done? ✟

🐌 Take it easy, there’s plenty of time! 🐌

☂ I tend to take my time a lot, don’t be surprised if you fell asleep on the spot. ☂

🐧 But even so, accept my deepest apologies!!! 🐧

Poacher – Yorkshirevania Puddi’

yorkshire puddi

I really do enjoy the exploration parts in Metroidvanias – Finding hidden power-ups and gradually growing your character stronger and stronger, all in all for the sake of a final confrontation with a certain powerful entity… it’s a unique feeling that lead to the birth of many titles and various additional concepts over the years. It’s all fun and laughs until the ending screen, where the rabbit-girl puts on a space suit and goes off-screen for her morning jog, followed by your total time of seven play hours along with a 98% completion rate message. Calling to the Sega of Ubisoft, you learn that there was an item that you missed, which can only be acquired by avoiding Dr. Willy’s burger junkyard. A moment later you also realize that the phone you are using is just a can of diet coke, which of course just adds to your crumbling desire to go through the same game over again. NO THANK YOU!!!

Poacher is a Metroidvania by Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw, which follows the adventures of an Yorkshire countryman named Derek Badger and a ghost lady named Rebecca on their quest to bring peace to an underground kingdom consisting of ghost people, dark ones and pelicans. The plot is quite easy to follow and is fairy solid, which is a good addition to the usual “Lonely exploration nation”. “Poacher” is quite similar to “Cave Story”, only easier and a bit more dull around the edges when it comes to the platforming, puzzle solving and boss fights. Though regarding that matter, maybe we should exclude the secret boss in the game, who can pose quite the challenge. We are talking about a learning curve of 20 to 40 minutes – even more, depending on skill and experience.

Poacher DONE!

In all honesty, while “Poacher” could have offered a bit more in many aspects, the length and the learning curve of the game are a good examples of how to set a good replay value. I’ve played through the game in total of three times, all in all to get all the achievements, which add quite a spice to the gameplay. I had fun on each run, especially on the last one where I figured out how to access the secret boss. I guess the main reason why I enjoyed the game was due to the fact that it manages to properly reward you for your efforts, while eliminating classic annoying bits that we find in many other games from the same genre. You get a map [And at some point additional marks on it that point out where various items/ \special places\ are located], you get check points at proper places – not too many close to or far away each other… You even get a GOOD hint at how to access the secret hard- ass boss!

You also collect money from slain enemies, which you can use to buy items from a shopkeeper, once you’ve unlocked him. For mere 350 coins, you can buy a self- healing power- up and destroy pretty much 80% of the overall difficulty in the game. HAPPY HUNTING!!!

I love the special skin for Derek that you can unlock once you do a 100$ completion rate. Shoot a baddie, Pound comes out flying instead of cartridge. NEAT!

I wasn’t really impressed by the moves that you acquire that’s vital to your progress, like wall- jumping, diving, etc . Classy, but a bit boring. Also, getting out of water could be really annoying, depending on location. *cough* screen transition *cough*

In the end, it’s all thanks to pudding and weird dialect to rack up some extra point for my final decision to give “Poacher” a 6.7 out of 10! NOW LET’S ALL GET DOWN TO THE PUB, HELL YEAH DRUNK GIRL GHOSTS!

The Legend of Princess – FAQ: #1: How to find the “Dirt Temple”? – Well you see, back when I was in high school… 1/589

princess legend

“The Legend of Princess” is supposed to be a parody game of a [certain] series, by Joakim Sandberg. The joke about it lies in the overall fact that nowadays you can take on a product that was shoved into people’s mouths for decades by a “really” important company, but make it way better in many aspects. Sometimes you’ve gotta watch it though, as a certain results may exceed the quality of the original product, leading to what we call a “Lonely Barbeque Party”. You should know when to turn the volume down, less you want to grab the attention of your whiny and jealous neighbours, who would call the police on your ass instantly! You don’t want that to happen, do you? DO YOU?

“The Legend of Princess” is quite the take when it comes to the platforming genre of said [certain] parodied series. It’s colorful and graphically pretty impressive, well animated and fairly entertaining for how short in terms of length it is. While you do get to explore only the classic “Dirt Temple” which is composed merely of a several rooms, the whole short experience is way worth your time. What with the responsive controls and being able to customize your equipment before the start of the game, with items varying from boring to awkward to use, this game really holds it up! The puzzles and the platforming sections felt pretty basic and a bit unsatisfying, but the boss battles really managed to fill up the holes. A mixture of puzzle and a drop of action, packed with a hue of pretty. That’s this game in a nutshell!

Legend of Princess DONE!

I mean, if you are a fan of [those] series, you are bound to have some good times, given how close this game parody tries to stay to the original, what with the characters, items and whatnot. Whether you decide to play it for some casual fun, high score or for the intention of an UNIQUE speedrun, 20 to 30 minutes of your life would be spent worthwhile. Hell, you might even want to play through the game with all the different item combinations! Short games with a decent variety, now that’s my JAM!

I personally give this an 8 out of 10!

1213 – Out of This Space Station

1213

As one of Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw’s takes on cinematic platformers, “1213” turns out as a fairly rough product, with few innovative ideas here and there. I was honestly impressed when I learned that he made the game using “Adventure Game Studio” of all things! Though I have played “1213” a long time ago, I remember reaching the boss in the first episode only, wherein I gave up on fighting him, since I had way too much trouble figuring out his pattern. [Somehow.]

I don’t have a rich history on dealing with cinematic platformers. My first experience with them was in middle school when I was introduced to the first two “Oddworld” games, which I really, really loved and played through a bunch’a times. Later, in high school, I stumbled upon “Out of This World” on the SNES which… I didn’t really like. I played a bit of it and honestly, I was not enjoying myself after a dozen of deaths, nor did I had the desire to go on. After that I learned about many other titles from the genre, like “Flashback”, “Heart of Darkness”, “Blackthorne”, “Banana Prince” . ect…/

BUT…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…what makes “1213” so special than other titles from the same genre, other than the engine used for its creation? To be fair, nothing in terms of graphics or animations. They are still quite good for a one man developer army though. In “1213” you take the role of a mutant-person who is under a series of experiments, what with drug testing and going through daily physical obstacles of gym nightmare. fat Pete’s hell across the hotdog stand routine. There is also an “ambitious” scientist guy who hates you and cares about you at the same time, all in all mixed in a juice of drama, a teacher-lady, evil mutants and it’s all on a space station, above our beloved and completely obliterated of any life, planet EARTH! /spoilers:spoilers/ The overall plot in the game is pretty involved and interesting to follow and the characters are pretty likeable. The overall course of the game is mainly finding item X and bringing it to place Y, all and all while dealing with enemies by shooting them with your 50/50 [?] hit or miss gun. But isn’t that the main formula in all those cinematic platformers? NO! You get to do even more things in other similar titles, like saving hostages and throwing bombs and…and… fltintg]?????? with a racoon suit. In “Escape from Monkey Island” you even get to talk to pirates who are really good at darts at the SCUMM BAR, so there’s that as well!

1213- Episode 1 DONE!

The bosses in the game are pretty impressive and fun to fight, aren’t they? I’m a bit disappointed by the last one, which is pure platforming and pressing buttons. Unlike the actual levels, there is a fair amount of challenge to the bosses, which I really liked. I find the healing system in the game to be pretty interesting and unique as well. I am a big fan of showers, I shower every day or two, sometimes I don’t leave the shower for a week and AS in the game, I feel healthier and refreshed with every single shower session.

“1213” is your “GO” choice if you are looking for some mediocre cinematic platforming ACTION! Plot-wise, you are in for a good ride, A RIDE TO HELL CANDY;LAND THAT’S IT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

End score: 1213 out of 10.

Dragon Bride – A fan-made title that takes on the idea of “What if “Dragon Quest” was a bride?:

dragonsold

When it comes to “Dragon Quest” related material, all I know about the series is that it consists of various RPGs, all adored by Japanese peeps, due to the usual VIDEO GAME CHILDHOOD IMPACT! I don’t know anything else about the games though. Apart from visual recognition, if I were to be asked to explain plot, characters or specific gameplay part, I would probably come with an excuse to go out and buy some milk.

“Dragon Bride” is a fan-made production title that puts the series into the light of pornography. Despite being of Japanese origin, the game does also come with a horrible English translation, which adds both to a bit of humor and disappointment. Given my lackluster knowledge on the “Dragon Quest” series, I can’t really provide a good explanation about the plot, but as a whole, as I have seen it, it’s about the Hero being tricked by some Dragon-wizard lady into a deal, which separates the world in half, wherein each part gets populated by a fraction of one gender only. The Hero is send to the part where only males exist and the Dragon-wizard lady remains in the part where only females are. A problem regarding reproduction arises, so the Dragon-wizard lady uses magic to grow a penis, planning to potentially deal with that problem by herself. There’s your plot setting for the whole game! You also have to capture a princess that managed to escape your clutches or something, but you don’t get to do anything to her, regardless. [Unless you have the GLASSES item equipped, which lets you see her naked towards the end of the game!]

Dragon Bride 1.1 DONE!

As the game puts you into the shoes of the Dragon-wizard lady, you get to travel through various stages, each consisting of certain number of small areas filled with enemies. You can fight at close range with your weapon or you can shuffle through various spells and cast them instead. While you can unleash some hell on your enemies, inflicting a specific amount of damage can also stun them, which lets you have some “sexy” time with your victims. The whole procedure is composed of a slider that you can adjust for how slow or fast do you wish the scene to proceed, all in all while dealing with a randomized time limit. Quite exciting indeed, especially if you are into not doing much. I am quite the fan of that regarding certain circumstances!

The game is not all that difficult, but there are some annoying parts. However, they can be passed quite easily if you abuse the not-so great enemy A.I. and the items/upgrades you can purchase from the shop. A player might find themselves replaying a level or two just so they can purchase everything from the shop, but to be fair, it doesn’t feel all that rewarding, really. You can obtain the best gear fairly fast, which makes the lower tier fairly useless, apart from a cosmetic usage. Speaking of that, the game has quite the notch on that, as it even comes with the option of not only customizing the main character, but the other generic enemies in the erotic scenes as well. [Unique bosses cannot be customized, sadly!]

In conclusion, I wouldn’t say that I enjoyed the game all that much. The overall gameplay mechanic felt pretty boring, all in all with the fairly unsatisfying scenes. Maybe I’m just asking for too much, but in the end, this is a good title for a single afternoon blast off or two. Whatever you prefer. Whatever… 4.7 out of 10.