trending purple

purple

For me, it all started with robot toys and who had the one that can move and talk. I never had one of those, my parents never bothered buying me one and frankly, I don’t think I really cared about owning one at any point of my childhood. I learned to read at age two and a half and up until my fifth birthday, my everyday life revolved around playing with a constructor kit, reading and making a total of two friends on the street. I made my own robots using the constructor kit and with my friends, we would play with them, alongside coming up with missions for our creations and whatnot crap to entertain ourselves. My friends owned actual robot toys, but they discarded them the moment I offered them to play with the constructor kit, which we could use to design robots the way we wanted them to be.

Then came the video games, where everyone was all about owning the best console or PC, with the newest and most popular video games. 3D graphics baby and open world? That’s what I’m talking about! But then I’m like, listen guys, this is “Abe’s Exoddus”! That game is called “Oni”! This is “Heroes 3 of Might and Magic”! Freakin’ “Neverwinter Nights”! Nope! Flare you idiot, the best games right now are “Half- Life” and “Grand Thief  Auto 3”! Go play your shitty obscure shit while we gun down people left or right because that’s fun! You know that something is fun when everyone else is into it. Question no the quality of the trending product, like I questioned everyone else around me at the time for not being able to beat “Super Mario Bros.” while using warps AND playing a bootleg hacked version where you can never be hurt once you pick up a mushroom. There is just no point to it, the answer is quite obvious.

Next in line is high school and it’s all about who dated who, where and when did they had sex, who was the first one in class to own a car, who had the best grades and to what school they were planning to go once they graduate, only to drop out a few years later and why did I get punished for finding out that my teachers had relationships with some of the students who were still underage?

OneV

Within’ the human’s nature for trending, there is but not a single drop of justice. You’ll be ripped and torn apart like a rag doll for trying to apply a change, unless you find a way to do it in a way that can convince a smelly old cheese that it could become a beautiful and delicious cake.

When I look at myself in this day age, when I think about it, I can’t even bother to bring myself to watch up to three episodes of any anime whatsoever. Cocoa flavored ice cream though, now we are talking!

AV Super Real Pachinko [NES] – The portable clacking (beeping) hell machines

pachink

I do wonder… Would someone who plays real pachinko machines rather prefer a game like this to the real thing? Is one’s personal hell a clacking metal balls that could drive you suicidal or beeping chiptunes that make you wanna poke your eyes out? Sorry, I’m not a big fan of pachinko and I really can’t see the appeal of it. Maybe I need to try it once for real in my life so I can have some actual experience, but honestly… Is watching balls drop in real life all that different to watching them do the same in a video game? Aren’t you in both places put to just sit idly and watch? Well, you get to pay for the balls and touch them in real life. How can you miss on that excitement?

“AV Super Real Pachinko” is a pachinko simulator game, believe it or not! There are three types of machines that you can play, each with their own different layouts. I’m gonna say this right off the bat, just do the MADBOY machine! It’s the one where you can score a jackpot (?) way more often and it’s easier to chain it? I have no idea what am I talking about, really… Sometimes a colored ball drops, which, if it enters a pocket (?), you get to play a bonus card game, where you have to flip a card that matches the one shown at the top. If you are successful, you get a… power- up? You can activate those, but I have no idea how do they actually affect the game. I think the second one from top- bottom activates the jackpot thing right away, while the others… I have no idea! I haven’t noticed any actual changes to the game while they were in effect. Also, I can’t seem to activate that one power- up, the second one from bottom- top. Do I need to stack it? Is it just a permanent, passive stat? I’ve tried it on all machines and during their jackpot segments, but no banana!

Every time you cross the 1000th balls threshold, you get to see some art of nude ladies. If you want to get one quickly at the start, just purchase the number of balls closest to 1000, which I think is 875? There are only four ladies that you can see, I think. I’ve crossed the 1000th milestone more than twenty times and no other girls popped- up, so I assume that’s all this game has to offer. Can some of the power- ups grant you access to additional girls? I doubt it, honestly. I’ve played other AV games in the series, with art from the same person and there are usually only a few pieces per game.

I think it’s impossible to lose in this game. Maybe you can softlock yourself if you lose the balls on purpose. For that to be possible, one would need to quit the pachinko machine once they put the balls in, before they reach any potential pockets and reward you with additional balls. [?] Losing all your available balls the game can give you at the start could be quite a pain to achieve, but I believe it’s possible, just not very fun to do and honestly… why would you? Leaving the machine per each few balls would be a bigger pain in the ass than just sitting idle while holding the A button, with every now and then adjusting the spring settings???

Hell does not need to be more hellish than it is…

When you win the maximum amount of balls, which seems to always round up to 9012, you get your payment and the game sends you back to the title screen. Well… I’m not really surprised… nor disappointed… Just really glad that I am done with this one!

RA Invasion [Part 5] – Grind harder!

grind harder

Pretty good weekend on RA. I got to play through a bunch of platformers, some of which were pretty great while others – not as much. In fact, not at all, honestly. An example for that is “The Flintstones” for the Game Boy by OCEAN! The only good thing that this game did right were the bosses, which were pretty decent in terms of variety and design. I really enjoyed the fight where you have to drug your boss with drinks and put him to sleep. The actual levels themselves are pretty bland and boring, to a certain extend some of them feel way longer than they should be. The length would not have been a problem if there was more to the repeatable hop and bop, litter it all with enemies, traps and pitfalls.

The game is at least pretty generous with its mini- games granting extra lives. It doesn’t go over the top with them at least, but it gives you enough to keep you going while making sure that you don’t make too many mistakes.

I would have added this game to the vault, but I wish to experiment a bit further with the invaders- clone mini – game that you can access on certain levels, if you have any coins in your disposal. Can you go over the top in terms of high score? Will it reset after level 99? How much does the difficulty pick up as the levels go? Those are very important questions that need a SERIOUS ANSWERS!

Disney Princess [Game Boy Advance]

Disney Princess GBA DONE!

Something that I did not expect from this game was to be offering an actual interactive variety of levels that would keep my interest for a while. I was wrong. The game has it all, from good times platforming action, not- so hard to learn mazes, house management and DDR to Little Mermaid 3 and Jasmine’s Assassin’s Creed. The game could have done better with some of the controls, but at least the hit detection is pretty alright. Disney Princess manages to create an atmosphere that perfectly represents both the beauty and harshness of the princess life. Hats off to the RA set for making this game even more challenging and FUN!

Kid Dracula [Game Boy]

Kid Dracula DONE!

I’m not big on the Castlevania games, in fact, I haven’t beaten any of them yet! This spin- off title for the Game Boy was pretty great and fun platformer though! I can’t believe I played something that got an actual laugh from me. A laugh from enjoying myself and having a good time. A laugh representing that I find something very entertaining and humorous. This game got it! The cast is so goofy and charming, I love it! The level design is well- made, with a good progress flow to it. The game can be a bit tough on some parts, but it’s nothing too complicated for one to get stuck on! Great and enjoyable boss fights, the mini- games are easy to play and they shower you with lives… Well, I don’t know about that one… I guess it’s an additional insurance that the designers put to ENSURE the “Good times” experience. I honestly can’t blame them for that…

I really like that the game makes use of every special ability that you get, even if some of them are necessary for only like… two areas in the whole game. You would think that if you get a power that lets you fly everywhere from the start of the game would be a tool that you can abuse easily, but no… The game is well- designed and the abilities are balanced good enough. Man, I really did had a blast with this one, didn’t i?…

I remember playing the NES version a while back, but I did not enjoy it for some reason. I wonder why? Maybe I should get back to it at some point in the near future?

Joe & Mac [Game Boy]

This is the port of “Joe & Mac” where charged attacks obliterate the bosses in no time and getting hit while moving or jumping can sent you flying uncontrollably like a ball from pinball. I don’t remember having those issues in other versions that I’ve played of this game. I also don’t remember enemies dropping exploding bombs. Who would go to such an extend as to implant explosives in cave men and dinosaurs? Were sexy cave babes worth it? Maybe. What do I know about the values of those ancient times? It’s also a video game for fuck’s sake! Of course sexy cave babes are worth it! That’s it, as long as you manage to get them! This game features all three different endings from the original Arcade game, but I am not sure as to how you access each of them. It’s not based on score as far as I know. I think it’s randomized, but it might have something to do with how many hits you take from the final boss, which is improbable, but who knows, really?

I also wanted to beat the high score, but that run ended up being a few hours grind for reaching a score that the game cannot record and instead uses glitched graphics to display. Was it a fun experience? Hell no! There is nothing fun in having to grind baby T-rexes for hours from the skeleton dinosaur boss. I made sure to bring the fire power all the way to it, as it makes short works of the babies, each of which is worth 1000 points.

I thought that I was done with the grind, but then I went to do the DuckTales 2 set for the NES, which was updated a long time ago. It’s a great set, except for the one achievement that makes you grind gold in the Niagara stage. Why would you make people grind in a game with a good flow to it? Why would you kill the overall enjoyment of the game for the sake of altering the gameplay in a very bland and bad way? If you compare it to the other achievements in the set, you’ll notice that they fit perfectly with the game’s design and spirit, while that one is just… flopped tuna over the birthday cake. At least you don’t have to grind all that LONG…

Aya-chan World [PC-88] – Go Speed Racer Go!

car

“Aya-chan World” is a pretty interesting entry for the PC-88. It’s a short game where you control a car and you must race on various tracks against a set timer. The timer itself is quite generous, so you can take your time searching for the finish line. As for the tracks themselves, they are a mess of colors, like some obscure art piece from a gallery made by baby that rolled over some paint and then took a nap on the canvas. It doesn’t look astonishing, but it’s quite interesting in it’s own way.

The first few tracks are a bit more straightforward, while the latter ones are a bit more maze – like. It’s nothing too complicated, but one might still feel a bit disoriented. The car itself controls alright, no complains about it whatsoever.

Aya Chan World 1.1 DONE!

After the completion of each track you are being rewarded with a lewd CG of an anime girl who goes by the name of Aya. The further you progress into the game, the less clothes will Aya wear. Are you racing to impress her? Is she racing and getting all hot and bothered by the INTENSE tracks? None of these questions matter really, as anime is a topic that’s beyond any reasoning…

Aya Chan World 1.2 DONE!

This is a game that you would play once and never again. There is no point in exploring the more complicated tracks as there is nothing really else to find besides the finish line. It’s not really a bad game in a sense that it doesn’t really do anything wrong, but on the other hand, it doesn’t bring much to the table as well.

Cars!!!

mystic

orbe

HeY gAmErS! FlareEX here, AKA the pudding prince of video games! Today I am bringing you the latest craze, one hell of an amazing game for the new Rumiko Takahashi’s DreamBoy console! I am of course talking about non other but the MMO title “Final Quest, Mystic Fantasy”!

Mystic 1.1 DONE!

While you do play as Mystic yet again, unlike in the previous entries, this time the developers decided to turn the main character into a girl! Boy oh boy oh man oh cold noodles oh my, ain’t them porn artist gonna break their hands on the rally to be first on posting their new art on the imageboards!

Pirate Cave DONE!

In “Final Mystic, Quest Fantasy”, playing as Mystic makes you FEEL like Mystic herself! The music is alright… and the graphics… … …

Tutorial. Oryx's Kitchen DONE!

The difficulty however is like nothing you’ve played EVER before! Here I was in the land of many sugar treats and bad dental hygiene, helpfully putting into statis every boss that spawned, inserting my dominance and ability to be an asshole in order to drive people away from the rare and item- rich dungeon, when suddenly, I got POPPED! I was fighting the pony boss and without it even moving, I received the death screen! This game takes things to the next level! It’s not longer about pure skill, it’s about predictions! This title is pretty much the Dark Noses of the game’s series! It also serves to show us what the future will look like! Why, games will be based on nothing more than predictions! After all, these are always the hottest topics in gaming forums as well! Everyone likes and wants to predict what a yet to be released game will be like, with of course, once released, said game usually ends up being a piece of shit, completely setting to ruin dreams all around. I for once cannot wait to one day receive an empty, plain box, so I can imagine what game could have been inside it and predict how would it have played AND how would I have played it!

Forest Maze DONE!

While I do LOVE this, it has its share of flaws all over the place! Unskippable cutscenes. Spam and bots. Lack of variety – Every dungeon in the game feels the same. The low amount of only 130 breathtaking music tracks. Complicated crafting system. Chat profanity protection. Two weeks bans for playing off meta. The last dungeon is literally unplayable without the involvement of microtransactions. Single player only.

I’m sorry but I’ll have to give this game a 96 out of 100…

Spider Den DONE!

 

bepis