I spent the late hours of this Friday night by reading some of my posts from my old[er] blog[s]/shhh! I needed to humor myself.Moreover,I was craving to see the actual changes between the person that I am now and the one I was back then.What I realized was that my old self lacked a good perception and more than anything – motivation.I wouldn’t say that video games had a huge influence regarding this,since they really moved my turnkey and pushed me to make my first actual game “Fisherman” and release it.True,it is still in need of some fixin’ and whatnot,but at least it feels like something that I’ve completed,at least partially in my life.Well,to be fair,League of legends had a huge deal in preventing me from actual progress regarding my “No-Kywln” project,but that can also be associated with the fact that I was madly in love with a really special girl,who was the sole reason for me to actually get back into the game.The first time we separated actually gave me a push to create “Fisherman”.The second however turned out worse than the first,but it still layed an egg called “Reverse”.
To be fair,I was also within’ a circle of people that never really did cared as a whole about my work or my own being,which felt really unpleasant,considering the fact that I choose to open myself as much as I can to them.Then again,nowadays people have moved to a point where their social interactions have really changed in terms of standarts and ideas.I am probably going to sound pretty negative by saying this,but some people really feel like robots or just wild animals,with a really bad case of perception in various situations.What really ticks me off is the fact that they even try to put it as a natural standart for this day and age,not considering the fact that this evolution result might not be all that great and acceptable as most might think it is.What I am trying to say is that I think I managed to forgot a crucial part about my actual persona,which was the reason for my recent breakdown after I left that circle.
I am never left without a backup plan though!Despite being holded back,I knew that at some point everything will crumble to dust.While not putting too much of an effort or actual work in my project for the last four years,I still did my best to find free time,experiment,practice and work on various aspects that I wanted to invest into.I talked to people,I swam inside their ideas and projects.I cheered the alive and scavanged the fallen.In time,I came to a point where my project already had enough material and resources to actually become something.I could no longer hold back,which led to the creation of this blog,along with the adoption of the No-Kywln project.This choice was pretty much my loud announcment of: “So long everything and everyone!I want to be who I actually am and I want ot do what I actually desire to.”To that I wish to also toss: “I want to be with people that I actually like and respect,rather than pity and cheer for their unreachable dreams.”
I did this months ago for “Harumin”.Thank you for all your support during my nervous breakdown!
I am going to end this post by saying that a person invested in my project and gave me a headstart for my current work,which is “No-Kywln: _ ” After I am actually done with that,I’ll go back and refix and finish “Fisherman” once and for all,along with the rest of my projects,for which I will toss a coin to decide their order in which I am going to work on.This blog will not lose it’s content,the vault will be filled and in time,this just might grow up into the best place I’ve ever created!