Squeeze – 124 tips on how to be the best lover in the world

meat

For one thing, you need to have a certain level of tolerance towards various issues. The most common one usually being lying to yourself about the actual state of your life. The idea of panic has reached a point of a trend rather than an actual issue. One should take into consideration of what actual goals do they pursue when it comes to relationship. Do you like a person because you want to spend your whole life groping their slowly decaying flesh or because they have a really great collection of model ships inside bottles? Here’s another common issue – Having the guts to deny and say no. That goes both ways – for you and your partner. No video games. No three meals per day. No coffee. No way? Stay friends!

That’s all honestly! As simple as it might sound, once you get over these facts, all you need to do is remember the unique randomly generated sequence of over 31 breast groping moves and you’ll be on your way to satisfy your partner as the best lover in the world! Watch the eyebrows, don’t take notes! You can, but come on now! One should have a good memory when it comes to being the best lover! Taking down notes is for school nerds!!!

Squeeze DONE!

Be the best lover! It’s FREE! : http://montrose.is/sketching/201808142310.html

Asahina Mikuru no Yoko Scroll Action – Contact lenses are weapons, Mikuru beam is blue – This platformer is hell, especially if you are new!

asahina

It was the Golden Age of anime, as Suzumiya Haruhi emerged from the emerald gardens of Japan and everyone accepted her as their literal goddess and the best anime/light novel ever made. Eventually, the Haruhi Lemmings would later become corrupted with the influence of Lucky☆Star, transforming into what we now call a man in his early 30s working at McDonald’s. I however, learned of Haruhi due to someone making a character model of her for M.U.G.E.N. To be fair, due to that platform, I pretty much got into toehoe, anime and doujin games in general. At least that’s how it used to be in the past, nowadays I just pay bills and shower three times a week.

Once I finished watching the whole of season one and read at least one chapter from the light novel, I craved to find and potentially play what Haruhi-based games might exist. I was madly in love with the series [until season two], due to the fact that it gave me a new and unique sensation, saying that as I person who mainly grew up watching few anime shows originating from the 70s to 90s. It’s like having your first crush on a girl in middle school, until you find about “Age of Empires II”!

There was this one game where you play as Haruhi herself and you get to move around the screen and shoot at falling stars and aliens. It was pretty colorful and fun, a game that I still like to this day! Another one was a game where you fight in a 3D arena. It was also pretty fun, but it ran fairly slow on my older PC. It had a good variety of characters and unlockables. I might consider revisiting it at some point in the future, who knows?

AND then, there was THIS! “Asahina Mikuru no Yoko Scroll Action” is a platformer based on that one bit from the Haruhi series, where the main cast makes a movie about magic, action and contact lenses shooting beams.

In the game, you take control of Asahina Mikuru, who sets on an adventure through EIGHT stages, all composed of literal, boring – gray platforms, like-like enemies, which tend to spawn in silly numbers as the game goes on and bosses who tend to become desperate, which makes them go to the most left side of the screen in an attempt to escape to a better game. As it is quite impossible for them to perform that action, they usually end up using their attacks off screen or they turn and start spamming them at you! It’s a wonderful world, especially if you consider Haruhi’s hard-to impossible to dodge explosion attack, unless you quickly go behind her or you hold yourself way up in the air via a special weapon.

Asahina DONE! I think

The bread and the butter of the platforming in this game is pretty much knowing how to time your double jump, as well as keeping a steady running momentum. While this game offers quite the arsenal, normal enemies are not that big of a deal. The most they can do is usually caught you off guard during your double jump and push you into a pit. Your default weapon is good enough to deal with most treats, not that good against bosses, really. If you lose your special weapon, you are more or less screwed during late-game bosses. How efficient the special weapons are really depends on their type and the location. Some weapons might make a certain part of a stage go like a breeze or another feel like hell on the slow bus show. You have the opportunity to switch them quite often, which is pretty nice. PICK THE CLOSE RANGED – WAVE WEAPON TO MAKE SHORT WORK OF ANY BOSS! Bosses can be a pain, especially due to their randomized movements and attack patterns. Fighting them usually revolves around being at a certain safe spot and in few cases – The RNG mercy! In few cases. This game is quite doable in 1CC, even without losing a life!

I don’t have anything to say about the music and the graphics really, they don’t feel all that special or impressive as a whole. They are OK! The difficulty of this game goes really high up after the forth stage. Stage five to eight is like a new game plus, where the first four stages are redesigned and bosses receive a few improvements in their attack patterns. Stage seven especially is the one which might be the reason for a player to drop this game. You could say that it’s pretty difficulty and it requires a series of precise platforming, along with keeping your momentum up all the time! What’s even worse is that sometimes when you think you’ve jumped off the edge of a platform, it would turn out that you were actually starting to fall and the jump that you used was your second one, which means that YOU DIE! [Similar experience I had in the first “Jumper” game!]

My advise for that level is to adjust your position on the platforms every now and then! While it might kill your momentum a little bit, it will secure you a steady position for your next jump, because honestly, you don’t really need all that much speed to make it to most platforms!

Another advise from me is that you should kill as many enemies as you can, so you can increase you life counter. The last stage even has enough enemies to supply you each time with a single life, so even if you lose at the boss, you pretty much have unlimited tries! Wait, you do have unlimited tries! The continues are unlimited! But what fun is this game if you don’t get the awesome secret message for the no continue run, right?

RIGHT?

Overall, this game is pretty bland and it pretty much capitalized on a hyphy trend for its time. I like it for what it is though. Like, no adore! 4.7 out of 10!!!

Magic & Mayhem: The Art of Magic – How I learned to not trust and fear video game sequels

art-of-magic

Since I was done with “Magic & Mayhem”, what with being reunited with a genuine,pleasant experience from the past, I decided to actually move on to the second game in the series: “Magic & Mayhem: The Art of Magic”, and potentially be done with the brand as a whole.Stating in some of my recent twitter posts, I’ve expressed quite a dislike towards the second game, followed by a [fantastic] video respond as well.I wouldn’t call the actual factor for my negative response being that I grew up mainly with the first game.I played the sequel years ago as well, but I didn’t made any actual progress back then.

The second game was made by a different company.It was also made three years after the first game.It also gives you the same graphical feeling that you get in “Empire Earth” and “Age of Mythology”. Back then graphics like that were the stuff I guess. Still, I do not like them all that much.They feel pretty rough and plain.Same can be said about the animations.Units and wizards feel overall boring and lifeless.At least the music in the game is pretty nice.As for the gameplay,  the classic formula from the first game is still intact: Control your Wizard, summon creatures,cast spells and try to defeat the enemy wizard/s.Capture and guard places of power to regain mana, collect items, eat a pie and drink some wine to restore life.You still have the magical portmanteau where you can put ingredients into talismans for various combinations of spells.Of course, there are new ingredients and spells in the second game, but some from the first one remained.The campaign has lots of levels, but sadly, it’s not all that challenging, even if you set it on the highest difficulty.Lots of characters in the game, lots of plot as well.The dialogue in the game is VOICED and the actors are just TERRIBLE! “Yes, we hire just the best people from the local comedy-drama club.” You need to look at it with this mindset, otherwise you’ll be in for more than over 30 levels of pure, acting horror.

Here’s some more pointers about this “wonderful” game:

<> Some maps are HUGE, making certain matches drag on for way too long.I got bored to death. <>

<> The spell “Bury” is now a low-class spell, which makes it pretty spamable.This renders pretty much every undead unit useless.<>

<> Totems now have actual HP bars and can be attacked by creatures and wizards.Given that, they don’t feel as cost efficient as they were in the first game.[And as a whole!] [Except for “Totem of Guarding”.] <>

<> Aurax, the main character in the game, is a huge, obnoxious asshole. <>

<> Lots of lewd bits in the game, mostly with the revealing outfits on some of the female wizards.Also, TOTEM OF LIFE! And sentient, lady trees with knockers. <>

<> The spell “Judgement” got the “Bury” treatment as well, which renders every summoned creature in the game useless. <>

<> The spell “Gorgon Stare” now acts mostly as a snare and it doesn’t grant full protection from sources that inflict damage.Gotta love casting this on any player and just spam “Meteor Shower” on them until they die.You can also summon “Storm Giants” around the enemy wizard for the same effect. <>

<> [Third level in the campaign.] Nadia, Aurax’s sister, will keep casting fireballs at the skeletons, killing both them and the villagers who fight them.Have fun trying to earn those extra XP points by keeping the villagers alive.GREAT ALLY! <>

<> More questionable actions from both the allied and enemy A.I.<>

<> Some spells are A MUST if you wish to complete certain levels.They really are, I’m not going over the board with this statement! [Exmp:The “Heal” spell in the sewer level and the “Heal” spell as a whole.] <>

<> Collecting and hoarding items through the early to mid levels in the campaign will let you just breeze through the last ones. Screw PoP capturing, I just wanna find the enemy wizard and use my 5 “Storm Giant” statues,along with my 10 “Centaur” ones. <>

<> In that “one” level,my overpowered army keeps killing the Necromagus during the cutscene that triggers after he is low on HP. Since he becomes your ally that you must keep alive, the game just sends you to the “You fucked up!” screen. <>

magic-and-mayhem-the-art-of-magic-done

There are few things that I enjoyed in this game. One of them being is that you get to unlock additional characters for “Battle”/Skirmish/Multiplayer/ mode. Each character has their own stats when it comes to speed, durability,size and whatnot, which is kinda neat. You unlock a secret “Stickman” character by speedrunning the “Greenhenge” level.I had fun with the whole unlocking process only, the reward itself is not all that satisfying.I’m not really into stickmen as a whole. I like that units receive visual upgrades when they level up.I also like that the upgrades they receive fit with their needs.The slow become fast, the vulnerable become tougher… there’s something for everyone!That is, until a wizard shows up and cast the “Judgement” spell.I think it’s time for me to cast my “Judgement” spell upon this game as well…

So then, I hereby give it a 4.5 out of 10.

If I could improve this game, I would definitely tune the mana cost on various spell, the efficiency of the “Bury” and “Judgement” spells and the size of some maps.///I would also remove the plot and voice acting from the campaign.///

Treasure Hunter Mink – Platformer for 45 minutes,Pachinko for 2 hours!

pachinko mink

Doujin games are awesome and they are full of bugs,have bad controls and are really difficult to beat…most of the time.Treasure Hunter Mink is pretty much that,but it’s also a Pachinko.That doesn’t makes a lot of sense,but then again,why should it?

It’s a Ryona platformer and a pachinko!The platforming part is pretty average,controls pretty easy and the enemies have some weird retaliation skills.Actually no,I am just really bad at the game…We have some typical Ryona game overs where you get beaten,eaten and whatnot,which are lot more interesting than the actual ending of the game.Levels are so-so,with different varieties of enemies and themes.Bosses are pretty hard and they require you to learn their patterns to some extend.[Not counting the first boss and the Mirror boss.]Every 5 levels you get a treasure chests that give you treasure or new skills for your main character Mink.The additional skills don’t play big role in completing the game,so they are pretty optional,in my opinion useless.

AND THEN YOU BEAT THE GAME AND YOU PLAY THE PACHINKO MINI GAME TO GET THE REST OF THE TREASURE ITEMS THAT THE RNG DIDN’T GAVE YOU DURING THE PLATFORING PART!THE END!4.5 OUT OF 10!

treasure hunter mink end

I likd the art and the animations.They were pretty nice.Bosses were kinda annoying.DOUJIN GAMES!If the platforming part was a bit longer that would have been great…with more enemies and worlds…and game overs…yeah.Freakin’ Pachinko!