The Legend of Princess – FAQ: #1: How to find the “Dirt Temple”? – Well you see, back when I was in high school… 1/589

princess legend

“The Legend of Princess” is supposed to be a parody game of a [certain] series, by Joakim Sandberg. The joke about it lies in the overall fact that nowadays you can take on a product that was shoved into people’s mouths for decades by a “really” important company, but make it way better in many aspects. Sometimes you’ve gotta watch it though, as a certain results may exceed the quality of the original product, leading to what we call a “Lonely Barbeque Party”. You should know when to turn the volume down, less you want to grab the attention of your whiny and jealous neighbours, who would call the police on your ass instantly! You don’t want that to happen, do you? DO YOU?

“The Legend of Princess” is quite the take when it comes to the platforming genre of said [certain] parodied series. It’s colorful and graphically pretty impressive, well animated and fairly entertaining for how short in terms of length it is. While you do get to explore only the classic “Dirt Temple” which is composed merely of a several rooms, the whole short experience is way worth your time. What with the responsive controls and being able to customize your equipment before the start of the game, with items varying from boring to awkward to use, this game really holds it up! The puzzles and the platforming sections felt pretty basic and a bit unsatisfying, but the boss battles really managed to fill up the holes. A mixture of puzzle and a drop of action, packed with a hue of pretty. That’s this game in a nutshell!

Legend of Princess DONE!

I mean, if you are a fan of [those] series, you are bound to have some good times, given how close this game parody tries to stay to the original, what with the characters, items and whatnot. Whether you decide to play it for some casual fun, high score or for the intention of an UNIQUE speedrun, 20 to 30 minutes of your life would be spent worthwhile. Hell, you might even want to play through the game with all the different item combinations! Short games with a decent variety, now that’s my JAM!

I personally give this an 8 out of 10!

Asahina Mikuru no Yoko Scroll Action – Contact lenses are weapons, Mikuru beam is blue – This platformer is hell, especially if you are new!

asahina

It was the Golden Age of anime, as Suzumiya Haruhi emerged from the emerald gardens of Japan and everyone accepted her as their literal goddess and the best anime/light novel ever made. Eventually, the Haruhi Lemmings would later become corrupted with the influence of Lucky☆Star, transforming into what we now call a man in his early 30s working at McDonald’s. I however, learned of Haruhi due to someone making a character model of her for M.U.G.E.N. To be fair, due to that platform, I pretty much got into toehoe, anime and doujin games in general. At least that’s how it used to be in the past, nowadays I just pay bills and shower three times a week.

Once I finished watching the whole of season one and read at least one chapter from the light novel, I craved to find and potentially play what Haruhi-based games might exist. I was madly in love with the series [until season two], due to the fact that it gave me a new and unique sensation, saying that as I person who mainly grew up watching few anime shows originating from the 70s to 90s. It’s like having your first crush on a girl in middle school, until you find about “Age of Empires II”!

There was this one game where you play as Haruhi herself and you get to move around the screen and shoot at falling stars and aliens. It was pretty colorful and fun, a game that I still like to this day! Another one was a game where you fight in a 3D arena. It was also pretty fun, but it ran fairly slow on my older PC. It had a good variety of characters and unlockables. I might consider revisiting it at some point in the future, who knows?

AND then, there was THIS! “Asahina Mikuru no Yoko Scroll Action” is a platformer based on that one bit from the Haruhi series, where the main cast makes a movie about magic, action and contact lenses shooting beams.

In the game, you take control of Asahina Mikuru, who sets on an adventure through EIGHT stages, all composed of literal, boring – gray platforms, like-like enemies, which tend to spawn in silly numbers as the game goes on and bosses who tend to become desperate, which makes them go to the most left side of the screen in an attempt to escape to a better game. As it is quite impossible for them to perform that action, they usually end up using their attacks off screen or they turn and start spamming them at you! It’s a wonderful world, especially if you consider Haruhi’s hard-to impossible to dodge explosion attack, unless you quickly go behind her or you hold yourself way up in the air via a special weapon.

Asahina DONE! I think

The bread and the butter of the platforming in this game is pretty much knowing how to time your double jump, as well as keeping a steady running momentum. While this game offers quite the arsenal, normal enemies are not that big of a deal. The most they can do is usually caught you off guard during your double jump and push you into a pit. Your default weapon is good enough to deal with most treats, not that good against bosses, really. If you lose your special weapon, you are more or less screwed during late-game bosses. How efficient the special weapons are really depends on their type and the location. Some weapons might make a certain part of a stage go like a breeze or another feel like hell on the slow bus show. You have the opportunity to switch them quite often, which is pretty nice. PICK THE CLOSE RANGED – WAVE WEAPON TO MAKE SHORT WORK OF ANY BOSS! Bosses can be a pain, especially due to their randomized movements and attack patterns. Fighting them usually revolves around being at a certain safe spot and in few cases – The RNG mercy! In few cases. This game is quite doable in 1CC, even without losing a life!

I don’t have anything to say about the music and the graphics really, they don’t feel all that special or impressive as a whole. They are OK! The difficulty of this game goes really high up after the forth stage. Stage five to eight is like a new game plus, where the first four stages are redesigned and bosses receive a few improvements in their attack patterns. Stage seven especially is the one which might be the reason for a player to drop this game. You could say that it’s pretty difficulty and it requires a series of precise platforming, along with keeping your momentum up all the time! What’s even worse is that sometimes when you think you’ve jumped off the edge of a platform, it would turn out that you were actually starting to fall and the jump that you used was your second one, which means that YOU DIE! [Similar experience I had in the first “Jumper” game!]

My advise for that level is to adjust your position on the platforms every now and then! While it might kill your momentum a little bit, it will secure you a steady position for your next jump, because honestly, you don’t really need all that much speed to make it to most platforms!

Another advise from me is that you should kill as many enemies as you can, so you can increase you life counter. The last stage even has enough enemies to supply you each time with a single life, so even if you lose at the boss, you pretty much have unlimited tries! Wait, you do have unlimited tries! The continues are unlimited! But what fun is this game if you don’t get the awesome secret message for the no continue run, right?

RIGHT?

Overall, this game is pretty bland and it pretty much capitalized on a hyphy trend for its time. I like it for what it is though. Like, no adore! 4.7 out of 10!!!

[Melly]Melly’s Futanari Island + Melly 2: Futanari Dreamland ~

melly

But did you actually know that Toffi-sama is making [pornographic] games for the internet?! You can go to this place : https://toffisama.wordpress.com/ , you can donate money, games are PROBABLY going to be made due to your generosity, after which you can give even more money for the heck of it! There goes my free advertising, so let me now introduce you to two of the works by this person.

“Melly’s Futanari Island” and “Melly 2: Futanari Dreamland” are games made in Fighter Maker, in addition to using the 3D Woyman Custom Maid service, which provides with and lets One make quality 3D models of pretty much anything, mostly tuna cans and watermelons with short temper. As the titles suggest, the games revolve around a futanari named Melly, who due to the miracle of science had to leave behind her life of being a normal girl.The first game introduces her transformation and her attempt at reverting it, while the second one portraits Melly accepting the new change. As a whole, the plot is just so-so, but it does a decent job at filling the gap and providing this game with a bit of a charm. You can easily go  along with it, since it doesn’t really take or add anything in general to the games.

Given the fact that both games have cheat mode/ endless mode , all of which can be accessed right away, without the need for passwords or beating the games, most players are bound to ignore the gameplay element as a whole and just enjoy the pornographic material.The reason for that is since the gameplay is not all that impressive as a whole! Melly stays still on the left part of the screen and enemies come towards her from the right. Enemies attack from three positions – Top, middle and bottom.Melly must repel enemies if she wants to avoid [WHY?] potential rape events.The controls for this game consist of three buttons, which let you perform attacks regarding the three positions. In the first game, due to your luck in obtaining a Belt of Giant Strength and Gauntlets of Ogre Strength, you can deal with enemies just by throwing small rocks at them. In the second game you use a crossbow, which is faster and looks less silly. Each game has it’s own map with levels, which consist of different enemies or bosses. Levels with enemies require you to destroy a certain number of them, while boss levels require number of direct hits to be inflicted on the boss itself. Enemies and bosses have their own and unique ways of attacking and dodging your weapons of mass destruction, so don’t expect them to always come straight at you! Enemies and bosses attack in random patterns, at random speed, which ends being quite the challenge for the player’s reflexes. [IF THE PLAYER ACTUALLY BOTHERS WITH TAKING THE CHALLENGE!]

mellys-futanari-island-done

The best thing about these two games is probably the decent variety of enemies and the various animated sexual scenes for each one of them. To be fair, I dig the 3D models. They look fairly nice, at least to me. The games cover a lot of fetishes – Some scenes show quite the creativity and are interesting, some are just outright plain and boring. Regarding that matter, I guess it all depends on the player’s personal taste.Difficulty wise, both games are quite forgiving, with the first one being pretty easy overall. The second one is a bit more tough, so if you are feeling being up for a challenge, try to clear it without using cheat mode or continues! Can’t say much about the variety in level themes. If anything , the first game feels a bit more colorful than the second one. In terms of soundtrack, these games either lack one or my machine can’t load and play [all] the files. I don’t know and I should not press this matter any further…

I caught my breath for a moment because of the seriousness in this post. With this, I can’t place a proper score whatsoever.

Video games are loneliness…

THESE GAMES ARE FREE TO DOWNLOAD!!!

Maldita Castilla – The lab’s vault needs all the games with knights that it can get!

maldita

So this little game has been just lying around on my hard drive for a while,until recently,when I decided that I got tired of seeing its name when I browse through my files.If I have games I should play them,not just treat them as some sort of collectables for a display!Take that into consideration STEAM users!

The first obvious impression that this game gives is pretty much “OMG,IT’S GHOSTS ‘N GOBLINGS!”A pretty natural one,considering the fact that even the author of the game confirms it and states that it’s one of the main inspirations for the creation of Maldita Castilla.Add some Spanish Mythology and the fact that you can attack upward and there you go!We have ourselves a game!

With the main idea behind this game,visually and in terms of gameplay,I think it managed to achieve a pretty great results.The soundtracks are quite fitting for each stage and the sprites are really well made and animated.It really feels like you are playing an old arcade game,but there are just some aspects to it where you can see a flat out solid improvments.Toss in some easy-to-follow,silly plot and we can all be happy!The game has a good varietiy of content and it manages to stick to its main theme pretty well.

Gameplay wise,”Trial and error” have quite a big influence in Maldita Castilla,at least for new players,especially for those who are not used to these type of games.I had a total of four playthroughs of the game,where the frist two felt like pure hell under the sea.Again,it was all due to my lack of knowedge on what to expect and how to deal with it.I felt like I had way more trouble at the room where you have to climb up,while stone faces on the wall shoot stuff at you.Same goes for the room where you descend and you have to deal with the magical,demonic cauldrons.The different weapons that you can aquire through the game can have a huge impact on some areas and bosses.However,that doesn’t seem to be the case once you get used to the game.Third playthrough ended up being my best one,where I got the best ending,much to my own disbelief that I can actually accomplish that.It felt weird how from “I suck at this game.” I went to “This game is pretty easy”… I was honestly expecting to have to replay the game at least a few more times.Now it will leave me with a weird impression that it has a good replay value.Hm.I don’t know… Also, finding the hidden treasures and invulnerability potions seemed like a pretty important thing for a potential good playthrough.

MalditaDONE!

Decent controls,frustrating early playthroughs,which are replaced by pleasant ones,later on, good variety of enemies,bosses and different themed levels,all in all makes up for some good experience.I’ll give it my 7.8 out of 10 with the “A game well done” silver cup.

I am still questioning my own learning curve though…

Seedling – “lol Zelda! XDDD”

seedling is cute

As we can blame things for inspiring us!After spending some time cutting grass all over in this game,for some reason,I came to realize how much I hate people who tend to make a big deal out of it.I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it before.I’m sure I am to mentioned it a lot more in the future as well.I guess that the dark,damp and desolate atmosphere of Seedling was a factor for my hate to boil up and start spilling out like a fountan.

Why,I can spend time pointing my finger at lots of things in this game.Like hitboxes.The hard to control-mega-fast character.Original gameplay?Come on…

You’ve gotta let go of it at some point…

I can’t say that the game was fancy as a whole.What I think I liked about it was the fact that it stick to a plain contrast,but the whole thing was presented in a way that overall made me enjoy it.It felt nice to go around solving puzzles,while not being stuck for more than 3 to 5 minutes.And we all know how we tend to have those moments of “Wow,the game designers are such a jerks…”!Here it felt more like: “We are not jerks.But we made this part a bit more challenging,so you won’t end up being dissapointed of the game being too easy.” The bosses were pretty nice and fun.Not too hard tho.I guess they were alright.Plot was simple…yet,the ending/s were just alright to really hit the spot.

Seedling done!

I guess I can call this: “That one game that had a really simple look to it,but it managed to stand up for itself and provide a pretty good-to-solid content.I don’t know…6.1 out of 10 should do it.Although I wanted to settle for score of 5.9…

The puzzles were quite enjoyable.Not too hard,felt just alright.An alright game?Yeah…maybe…

I liked the sprites for the characters as a whole!