Sven Bømwøllen – Fluffy Fresh


Welcome to the video game where you fuck sheep –  Sven Bømwøllen. A game on which I first laid my eyes on when I was ten years old, which I guess was the year when it was released.This game I can say was one of my first PC games, as the gaming club where I first saw it was my initial introduction to PC gaming in general.Only one machine had this game on though, so being able to play it was a pretty rare occasion.I also didn’t knew anything about sexual intercourse until I got to fifth grade. This game only provided me with vague and unclear information, which proves that it’s pretty safe, considering it’s theme.


The game features a bird-view perspective with a controls that I can only describe as “Similar to Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll. Your objective is to go behind sheep and give ’em some good “tuna can opening”, as most sounds remind me of that particular action,honestly.While doing so, you need to avoid a guard dog and an old-man shepherd, who are more or less against tuna being used as an ingredient in meals.The shepherd will chase you only when you go on the sheep, while the dog will do so regardless of your actions.[YOU CAN FUCK THE DOG, I DIDN’T KNEW THAT UNTIL I PLAYED THIS GAME RECENTLY!I THOUGHT IT WAS ONLY A MYTH!]

The game is pretty enjoyable and it takes some time before the magic fades away.To spice things up further, there is a wide arrange of various power-ups that would either aid or hinder your progress.Walking into puddles or the lake would teleport you on a random place in the level.Sadly, the whole 20 levels consist of this one board. Difficulty wise, it depends on how good you are at kiting and abusing power-ups, mainly the alien one, which pretty much ruins every challenge that this game presents…

I give it 7.00 out of 10! Hell, I’ll fuck a sheep!

/sorry for the weird coloring of the mushrooms in the screenshot.noticed it too late, but I kinda like it better this way regardless./

Blitzcrank’s Poro Roundup – Alright “League”,just one last time…


I had to do it…Perhaps not for the community,the game or the company behind it,but for the one,in-game-champion that made all of my four years of League of legends experience truly enjoyable.Pretty sentimental,isn’t it?…

Blitzcrank’s Poro Roundup is a game where you play as BLITZCRANK[I know,it’s unbelievable!]and you chase Poros[?check?],you push them around and you have to use your |ROCKET GRAB|to…grab them and put them inside your robot body,so they can be in safety from the hungry Baron Nashor that is chasing them along with you./uhoh[DON’T LET THEM GO BY YOU AND BECOME SNACKS FOR THE ‘NASH!]///

My first impression of the game was with the art and the animations,which I think are really awesome and nicely done.That’s all I can really say about it.It’s a solid statement!The game explains itself in a simple and short tutorial and after that you are pretty much on it!Simple and easy controls.Same goes for the learning curve of the game.It’s pretty much all about learning the speed of the Poros and the special attributes of their various species that you are bound to encounter as the levels go on.That’s another thing that I liked in this game – It has varieties.From all the different themed levels and Poros,to the various gimmicky bosses and challenges that the game itself presents you.[OH MAN ACHIEVMENTS!]

Yes,bosses!What is a level without a boss character,who is there waiting to try and prevent you from glorious progress?Represented by other champions from League of legends,the bosses would try to make you miss on catching Poros by slowing,stunning or using other abilities on you or the fluffy critters.Some of them are quite easy to deal with,others can be a real pain.Again,it’s all about learning their patterns,which might take a game or two.[At least their abilities don’t harm your “heart points” directly.] I have to say,grabbing enemy champions and smacking the crap out of them is probably one of the things that I enjoyed mostly in this game.Sadly,after a dozen of plays,the bosses do lose their charm,but then again,that goes for the game as a whole.ALSO,the fact that some bosses share the same defeat sounds is really weird.But you know…let’s not ask too many questions…

You also collect gold in the levels by catching Poros and beating bosses.You spend gold on skins for Blitzcrank,which is a nice touch.Yeah…customization…You can aslo unlock other playable characters like Thresh and Nautilius/CorkiUrfhahjokes//,which have their own special traits,along with ups and downs,as well as one additional skin for each.You can also spend gold on items,which improve the stats of your [Nowx3] character,but potentially,they are as good as just breaking and cheesing bosses.The Void Staff item especially ruins many aspects of the game and makes it downright way too easy.Then again,you get what you are offered…you use the tools provided by the game.You question the decision,but you don’t complain about it!VIDEOGAMES!

You also collect various powerups in the game like hearts,shields and whatnot.It’s there!Why am I writing this after the post was done?It’s stupid!


THIS GAME WAS PUBLISHED BY RIOT BUT NOT DEVELOPED?PURE BANG GAMES?Well that explains why the game looks so good and it’s fun![ohno]I really have to hand it to the developers for actually adding some original content in the game.One thing is the music,which was really enjoyable and the other is the way some of the boss characters behaved.Like flying Lissandra and Molten-Shield-Charging Annie!There are just those neat things that managed to make my day…

You can also cheese the game pretty hard and complete any achievment and get any score in infinity mode.WELL HOW ABOUT THAT?Whatever…GOODBYE!

Pulling the ol’ 6.9 out of 10.Har!