Prosciutto Funghi

mogekocastle

One thing that I was enjoying for sure during my university years in the big city was the variety of good food that I could stuff my mouth full of. Where I live currently – my home town – there is pretty much nothing good here! In general, I tend to go for fast foods and junk snacks, but I tell you, even if I brought myself up to actually cook, there are no any good ingredients whatsoever that you can buy in this mountain hell of a town!

There was that one pancake hut, which I really liked when I lived in the big city. It was the kind of “New type of pancakes EVERYDAY” and I really liked the spicy ones. I’ve never eaten spicy pancakes up until then, my beloved mother would usually serve them plain or with pine honey and nuts. Sometimes with strawberry jam. Depends. The thing is, I can’t go below twenty pancakes once I start eating ’em, but the hut had quite the nasty prices. One pancake only never manages to fill in the void of my stomach, no matter how tasty it might be! Maybe what really matters when it comes to pancakes is the quantity, rather than the actual quality? – In my case that’s it. Maybe if I had a cooking robot, that question could have been answered quite easily…

Mogeko Castle 1.1 DONE!

There was also that one pizza place where you can order up from. The delivery service was pretty good, I would usually wait up to ten minutes, fifteen during the winter. Always got the warm box, never managed to get rid of the bloody olives! No matter how much I gently asked beforehand during the order, my pizza would always have five to six freaking olives on top. Oh, you better believe I threw those away! Point at me, get angry if you will – I hate olives! I hate their smell, I hate their taste and I would never consider them to be an actual food, let alone part of a pizza!

I don’t remember how the place was called though. I would guess, “Underaged Fisting”. Their sauces and especially the cream cheese were pretty great. I made the mistake of ordering a pizza with chilli peppers once, barely managed to get past half of it. No, removing the chilli peppers didn’t solve anything! Their taint remains and can’t be removed at all! If I was feeling suicidal enough, I could have shoved them all inside my mouth, along with the olives I didn’t order. I had hope for tomorrow though, a hope I call milk. Milk is a pretty good hope! Their Pizza Margherita is pretty costly though, obviously made with the idea of being affordable by families and not by single customers.

The Prosciutto Funghi is probably the best pizza in the universe though! Talk about quality meat and the pleasure of tasting some of the most delicious mushrooms from glorious eastern Europe! All warpped in melting cream cheese, tasty sauce and the olives go into the trash can yet again! Truly, the only thing that managed to ruin my experience from eating this universal meal was the delivery guy, who tried to keep the change that one time. No! I could not allow it. You can’t just assume you can do something without my word on it. We are not talking about saving the world or delivering a baby here, we are talking about doing your job at delivering a pizza! Was I supposed to allow that as within the idea that I was satisfied with the service? Well, I guess I can never be satisfied. It’s not about actual facts happening, it’s about me accepting them. And guess what, I am not doing that! He was rich enough in the first place to own a car and use it for his job, I’m sure he’ll be fine without my money that I used to buy the biggest bag of potato chips the next day.

Anyways…

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Potluck – Joy Autumn Best Time!

Potluck

It’s autumn! Autumn is my favorite season of all the seven existing ones! The invigorating cool temperatures are finally settling in, I get to wear all the sweaters in the universe, nature is preparing for the harsh wintery time ahead and brats are finally off to school, giving me the opportunity to actually enjoy a cup of tea in peace for once…

Potluck 2

To further enhance the whole magical experience of the season, I went and picked “Potluck” – A short indie game which I think manages to capture the whole [Autumn] feeling really well. You have your cute witches making potluck and the main witch protagonist who’s also named Potluck, demon king salesman stealing the potluck – a typical attitude from the profession around this time of the year, exploding tomato power-up and THE BEST SWAMP LEVEL IN VIDEOGMAMING!

Imagine “Pocky & Rocky”, but for the PC, way shorter in terms of length, but with really unique feeling to it! The music and graphics fit together so well, I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a good combination before. The perfect fit, where I can blabble for hours on how much of a good time I had with the game! I personally enjoyed the various enemy types, despite how simple they might look.They just feel so… in place with the rest…

“Potluck” is like a hundred- piece puzzle of a nice, nature scene [~] that you complete on a cold day. Also, shooting things. It’s fun!

Potluck DONE!

“Potluck” is free of charge and it’s for the PC, computer machine – a common trait for nice and good video games! [no] There is also an alternative version which, tunes down difficulty and destroys any challenge whatsoever in the game. My advice – It’s not a good idea to play that version, because for some reason / the which that gives you the exploding tomato power- up got evicted from her home and the building has been razed to the ground/ . The key to her house still lies around the swamp – a dark reminisce of how tolerant society can be towards things they can’t understand, like the said tomato that gives exploding magic.

“Potluck” receives the award for the comfiest autumn- themed game!

Poacher – Yorkshirevania Puddi’

yorkshire puddi

I really do enjoy the exploration parts in Metroidvanias – Finding hidden power-ups and gradually growing your character stronger and stronger, all in all for the sake of a final confrontation with a certain powerful entity… it’s a unique feeling that lead to the birth of many titles and various additional concepts over the years. It’s all fun and laughs until the ending screen, where the rabbit-girl puts on a space suit and goes off-screen for her morning jog, followed by your total time of seven play hours along with a 98% completion rate message. Calling to the Sega of Ubisoft, you learn that there was an item that you missed, which can only be acquired by avoiding Dr. Willy’s burger junkyard. A moment later you also realize that the phone you are using is just a can of diet coke, which of course just adds to your crumbling desire to go through the same game over again. NO THANK YOU!!!

Poacher is a Metroidvania by Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw, which follows the adventures of an Yorkshire countryman named Derek Badger and a ghost lady named Rebecca on their quest to bring peace to an underground kingdom consisting of ghost people, dark ones and pelicans. The plot is quite easy to follow and is fairy solid, which is a good addition to the usual “Lonely exploration nation”. “Poacher” is quite similar to “Cave Story”, only easier and a bit more dull around the edges when it comes to the platforming, puzzle solving and boss fights. Though regarding that matter, maybe we should exclude the secret boss in the game, who can pose quite the challenge. We are talking about a learning curve of 20 to 40 minutes – even more, depending on skill and experience.

Poacher DONE!

In all honesty, while “Poacher” could have offered a bit more in many aspects, the length and the learning curve of the game are a good examples of how to set a good replay value. I’ve played through the game in total of three times, all in all to get all the achievements, which add quite a spice to the gameplay. I had fun on each run, especially on the last one where I figured out how to access the secret boss. I guess the main reason why I enjoyed the game was due to the fact that it manages to properly reward you for your efforts, while eliminating classic annoying bits that we find in many other games from the same genre. You get a map [And at some point additional marks on it that point out where various items/ \special places\ are located], you get check points at proper places – not too many close to or far away each other… You even get a GOOD hint at how to access the secret hard- ass boss!

You also collect money from slain enemies, which you can use to buy items from a shopkeeper, once you’ve unlocked him. For mere 350 coins, you can buy a self- healing power- up and destroy pretty much 80% of the overall difficulty in the game. HAPPY HUNTING!!!

I love the special skin for Derek that you can unlock once you do a 100$ completion rate. Shoot a baddie, Pound comes out flying instead of cartridge. NEAT!

I wasn’t really impressed by the moves that you acquire that’s vital to your progress, like wall- jumping, diving, etc . Classy, but a bit boring. Also, getting out of water could be really annoying, depending on location. *cough* screen transition *cough*

In the end, it’s all thanks to pudding and weird dialect to rack up some extra point for my final decision to give “Poacher” a 6.7 out of 10! NOW LET’S ALL GET DOWN TO THE PUB, HELL YEAH DRUNK GIRL GHOSTS!

Life of D. Duck – To Pat Oorridge and beyond!

d.duck

So what is it that makes a porridge so special?Well starting from the fact that it would never keep a track of your search and browsing history,a porridge is unlikely to make videos where it would scream at video game ghosts or for no reason whatsoever.Additional good trait for a porridge is that it doesn’t tend to be discriminative towards genders,not only because it lacks any,but because it’s a freakin’ porridge and it lacks sentience!

You can date a porridge,you can try to go all the way with it,but in the end,it won’t say a single word to you!Overall,you are a tool for the porridge!If the porridge can’t use you as a consumer,you are useless to the porridge.How would you feel if you went to bed without eating your porridge?Like,would you really consider going to sleep with the feeling of being worthless to a single bowl of porridge?

Let’s be real here!If there is a way for a person to reconnect once again with nature in these modern times,it will be more or less through porridge.The porridge will lead you to the heart of mother nature,reavealing you mysteries long forgotten alongside.It will also watch you as you are being completely obliterated by a wild,nuclear bear!

Porridge is pretty awesome!

Life of D. Duck DONE!

…and you know,in “Life of D. Duck” you get to make and eat porridge!With all the facts about porridge that we just went through,I am not really seeing any actual score that would fit with this great game!

..//

What do you mean you don’t know how to enlarge a .pdf so you can print it in larger format?Just follow the porridge’s instructions man!Don’t just get a tattoo at the age of sixteen at the local barber shop!Stay out of the soda hell located deep under the sea!

Fat Wizard – Job Interview

fat wizard

Fat Wizard is game that simulates the course of getting a second job in this modern day and age.Play as the Fat Wizard and protect a huge dragon egg,which actually represents your dignity to keep your mouth shut to not whail at the people,who went through reading your job application and sent you a responce a whole weekend later,rejecting you in the most frustrating manner.Despite being male,the fact that the wizard is fat makes up for his solid gender identity,making this game the perfect hit for people with all sorts of opinions and positions.But try to apply for job with those to characteristics and you are bound to be busted!Throw fireballs!Build walls of lightning!Cast frostrings!Warp around the arena,collect and shove food up your belly!Find artifacts and cusromize your wizard powers to your likings!Realize that the only good items are the ones that provide your egg with more damage reduction/repairing.It’a fast-paced action!If you act slow,the egg would end up being destroyed by the waves of upcoming monsters!But that’s alright,becuase the Fat Wizard would still get his omlette!Sadly,in real life you won’t get the chance to get a job if you don’t hand your application before everyone else!WOW!Fat Wizard is such a good game with no possible risks!”Game of the year?”More like “Game of my life!”

Fat Wizard DONE!

It’s a free game and you can play it whenever!Just like the modern employer,who is free to play you for fool whenever!Too bad you weren’t that busty girl who got the position right before you!But that’s alright!If a free position is open,they’ll call you for sure!Unlike with this game however,where when the egg gets opened,you don’t need to call anyone,but enjoy your victory for yourself.I don’t know how any of this makes any sense,but the green blobby enemies are a real pain when you kill them next to your egg,since their corpse-goo-corpse-party can heal enemies!Have fun defending your egg against that!Or don’t!You’ll still win and there are unlimited opportunities for a new and better playthrough…

…just like there are unlimited opportunities at getting another,better job!I mean,lets get real here,they won’t call ever again!

[P.S. They didn’t called…]

FAT WIZARD GETS 6.1 OUT OF 10!