Brain Hotel – A pretty unique mess

villain

I had this friend in middle school, who would spend a whole lot of time on the internet looking for brand new indie releases. After piling up a decent amount of games on numerous CDs, he would give them to me saying “Here’s a bunch of games, see if you can find anything of interest that we can play”. I was in charge of quality check, though my experience back then could not be compared to the one I currently have. The early years of the 2k were pretty magical, I have to admit. Aside from experience being an actual factor in certain decision making, I would say, there were a lot of good indie games released back then by people from all over the world. Well… you still had your fair share of garbage as well, but as I said, experience was quite the factor when it came to decision making.

Adventure games by independent studios were at their boom, with numbers back then that could not be compared at all to nowadays. One such titles that I had the displeasure of playing and recently REPLAYING on stream was “Brain Hotel”. Weirdly enough, my friend didn’t mentioned it being on the CD that I got, but the title made me curious nevertheless. Starring the story of a guy who’s wife cheats on him with their own pet dog who mutates into fully fledged furry, our hero starts a delivery service, which eventually takes him to a convention for super villains. There, he learns that one of the villains in particular plans a mass genocide during the convention, with the help of a device that would let him control all electrical appliances, potentially giving him enough recruits to form an army to carry out his diabolical plan. For the sake of goodwill you decide to stop him, with the help of the villain’s personal traitorous robot and a blow- up Wonder Woman sex doll.

Yeah, this game had a pretty specific theme for its time, that did not really aged all that well. It was that combination of weird and wacky with a bit of toilet humor in between. Certainly, this game was not the first one to try this formula and sadly, it was not the first one to fail miserably at it either.

Brain Hotel DONE!

There is something unique about the game’s graphics, but I really don’t feel happy looking at them. It’s like they tried to go for a semi- realistic look, but it just didn’t mange to make it all the way to the end, probably got lost between two cups of soda or a burger.

The game is pretty short in terms of length and the puzzles vary from simple to average in terms of difficulty.  It’s usually the case of bringing a specific item to a room and use it on a s certain object. There is no backtracking and even if you get stuck, there is but a limited amount of objects that you can interact with, thus, your options are quite limited, as long as you don’t put yourself into an Alzheimer loop.

Something that I personally enjoyed in this game is the voice acting. While there is room for improvement, overall, it’s a not all that bad. However, when it comes to the content of the actual conversations, it’s just not doing it for me. It’s all old jokes and stuff that just doesn’t do it for me… at least not anymore.

If you are looking for a short blast from the past, go give this game a spin. What I can promise is for certain the lack of high quality, but everything else on the platter is in order.

RA Invasion [Part 16] – Casual GBC suplexing.

killing machine

I’ve organized a plan for RA, where I’ll do a different console per post, with increased +1 entry each time, up to 10, after which I will make a reset. The console pick up is entirely done by RNG, although I do tend to avoid those that still lack a sufficient number of games in their library. However, for a time being, I might put that on hold, because I really want to prioritize the major clean- up that I’ve been thinking of doing for a while now. Well, I’ve kind of started it a while back, but for real, I should be more consistent with it.

Monsters, Inc. [Game Boy Color]

Monsters, Inc. DONE!

This game is a platformer that starts out pretty decently, but it quickly accelerates into shoving instant deaths into the face of the player. That comes in terms of enemies, platforming segments and boss battles. Boss battles in particular are pretty awful, because it’s not really crystal- clear as to how they should be handled, especially the second one. Another major issue is the boss patterns, which you need to learn proper, as you cannot really outrun your foe and your huge hitbox is of no help either. This game doesn’t shine all that much when it comes to level variety and some visuals in certain levels can be confusing sometimes when it comes to handling properly the platforming. The controls of this game are not very good, but I’ve seen worse. Suffice to say, even if you get used to them, performing certain difficult platforming segments still won’t feel as good as they should. At least the game is generous enough to provide you with a decent number of extra lives and HP pick- ups are all over the place.

How well does this game live up to the original source material? Last time I’ve watched “Monsters, Inc.” was probably over more than a decade ago, but from what I remember, I think this game does its job good enough. You can switch between Sulley and Mike in certain levels, but the majority of the game is dedicated to Sulley. Sulley has a bigger hitbox, can grab onto ledges and roar at sleeping children at the beginning of the game. Further along, Boo will join him for a few stages, but as far as I have played this game, I never found her attack to be of any need or use anywhere in the game. Mike is the character to go in pretty much every stage where he is available. He can double jump and has a projectile attacks, which costs 1 HP per ammo, but it’s still pretty good enough to take out most of the opposition that might try and stand in your way.

My final statement for this game is – I really hated the stage with the doors! The issue there is not the design of the stage, but rather, the fact that you need to position well to grab onto the doors in order to climb on top of them. That gets especially frustrating when it comes to the moving doors, where in some cases Sulley would refuse to grab at all, resulting in pretty much a loss of life and a restart of the whole stage. I also think that the vertical scrolling is done pretty badly. To keep up with your nemesis who is chasing you and can instantly kill you, you need to be really ahead, way past what the camera shows you even. Memorization of the level layout plays a huge role in that, but is this really how the developers intended the level to be played? Does this game suffers from a lack of quality playtesting?

I wonder…

Warlocked [Game Boy Color]

I called this game a “Budget Warcraft: Orcs and Humans”, but I don’t know how strongly do I feel about that opinion. It’s quite the unique experience, I’ve never imagined that I would ever play RTS for a handheld. I think what made me come up with that opinion for “Warlocked” more than anything was the resources gathering in this game. Come on now! A gold mine that you sent your workers to and lumber harvesting? That is so WC alright! I do like that they made different variations for the gold mine and the lumber. In some levels you gather rocks and in the underground levels you mine the gold straight from a drilled- in hole in the ground. Those are but a few simple touches that put a genuine smile on my face.

When it comes to the two factions in the game, the only differences between them are the sprites. Both Humans and Beasts play the same, they both have identical unit types and structures that share equal stats and functions. The only buildings that you can build in this game are farms, towers and barracks. Farms increase the maximum number cap of units that you can have, but sadly, no indication about it is displayed anywhere on the hub menu, which can be kind of annoying. Turrets provide a slight defense for your base. Pretty weak in general, can easily fall to merely a two melee soldiers. The barracks lets your produce either melee soldiers or archers. The first type is what you’ll be producing most of the time, as archers are more fragile, expensive and only necessary for taking down enemy dragons, really.

Maps vary from small to medium- sized. In general, the campaign missions are on the low side of difficulty. Especially the missions where you can obtain Dragons, which you can use to clean up any opposition in no time. In general though, the enemy CPU doesn’t gather resources and does not rebuild structures, but is usually fortified really well. A few waves of melee soldiers usually does the job just as well as a single drake. As for the missions themselves, they mix it up with something new and different every now and then, so it’s not always about cleaning the whole map from the CPU’s units and structures.

The bread and the butter of this game are the wizards. These are really strong units that you can rescue per each missions, after the first one for each faction. They can be stored and summoned from a temple structure, which you need to reveal on the map in order to use. They have no cost for summoning and each one can provide you with unique power. In general, most wizards can instantly kill an enemy unit. Some of them do that and turn the enemy unit into resources, which are credited to your bank right away. Some wizards can convert the enemy units into archers for your own personal army or into weak critters that you can kill in few hits. There are wizards that make your units tougher to kill or fortify your turrets to be able to sustain more damage. The list goes on and there are wizards unique to each factions, even though they are yet again a sprite swaps sharing similar stats and powers.

Maps hold secrets, like wizards, hints, maps for multiplayer and gambling mini- games that you can unlock, so full exploration is encouraged. Army stocks can be saved, imported or exported. The mini- games provide you with additional extra gold for your stock files. [?] I wonder how good multiplayer is? I haven’t experience it yet, but would really like to at some point in the future.

The RA achievements push one towards finding all the wizards. While that is fine and dandy, wizard distribution is unique for each new save file. Luckily, that distribution comes in the form of a few unique sets, all of which have been recorded by a guy on the internet. I’m really glad that documentation exists, because honestly, there is no point in replaying the campaigns over and over, without any knowledge regarding the wizards spawn order. In my case, I was literally chasing after finding sprite swaps of wizards that I’ve already experienced during my first initial run. [Only Sage and Necromancer were left when I consulted the documentation.] Is this a form of cheating or did I do good for saving time chasing wild gooses? I’ll let you be the judge of that…

The plot of this game is pretty bland for each faction, wherein you just build up your path towards dethroning the lead figure of the opposing nation. The music in this game is pretty catchy and it fits quite well with the muffled and bland voices of the units. It’s quite the hilarious experience, I really enjoyed it!

Having trouble defending your main hall? Put a wizard there to halt all attacks along with a worker to repair all the damage. If you have a wizard than can convert enemies into resources or archers, you can turn the attacks into quite the profit! It requires a little bit of micro, but it’s quite effective.

This game… It’s not really amazing, but it can be the perfect gateway game for anyone who wants to get into the RTS genre. Personally, I give it a honest 6/10.

Rizel Mineseeker [Game Boy Advance] – しましょう! UNL Adult GBA title based on an romance- comedy series with a fairly strong aroma of cheese!

wrong

[ THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO MY GOOD OLD FRIEND RAZUL DARKWOOD!]

“Rizel Mineseeker” is an unlicensed Game Boy Advance title based on the Rizelmine series. I have knowledge only of the Rizelmine animated adaptation, which I think was a pretty bland show, although quite heartwarming at times. It had that one joke that made me really, really laugh and I still find it quite amusing even to this day. The main character Rizelmine has a pretty unique look to herself due to those silly hair accessories which I love quite a lot. You don’t really see such design being implemented all that often nowadays in anime, but then again, I haven’t been watching or let alone reading manga all that much of recent years.

I was quite excited about there being an unlicensed game with an adult themed elements on the family friendly GBA system. I didn’t know what to expect from “Rizel Mineseeker”, but I loved the silly pun they used in the title nevertheless. This game, in a few words, is sort of a minesweeper clone, a bit watered down in terms of gameplay and difficulty, with CGs that you can unlock.

The main objective in this game is to reveal and disable all the mines in the field. You need to place flags on them and then open the space the flag is on in order to do that. Fields vary in size and mines in numbers, with two different modes that you can choose from the menu.

In the second mode, which I think is the standard one, you get randomly generated fields. It usually shuffles through two different sizes, but the mines are always randomly placed on the fields. I could be wrong though and maybe there are just a lot of premade sets that they’ve input into the game. I’ve thought about researching this but… something tells me it’s not going to be worth my time. If anything, I have that familiar feeling that I’ll end up being wrong about my suspicions. You can place flags freely in this game and there is no penalty for not placing and opening them on spaces with mines. Apart from a few lost seconds I guess… Your cursor also covers up to seven spaces, with a number showing you how many mines are located within’ them. Quite the unique idea, but the lack of punishment for placing and opening spaces with flags incorrectly could have used a bit more of a tuning. You can open up every space that the cursor covers as long as there are no mines present. The fields are also made of hexagons rather than squares, which is yet another unique thing to this game. Working your way through the edges of a field is a pretty good approach, if not, the best really. If you open a mine without a flag on it in this mode, it’s game over. Clear each type of field size once and you get a cute CG for each, with a total number of two.

The first option, which I think is a story mode, lets you play through a sequence of various fields. This is the mode that awards you with actual erotic images of Rizelmine and some of the other female characters from the show. It’s more of the same like the standard mode, but the timer here actually matters. It standard mode, the timer is just there, counting how much you take your time to complete said field. In story mode, it goes down and if you don’t find every mine in time, it’s Game Over and an unpleasant start from the beginning, potentially. ALSO, mines here don’t kill you! Talk about making matter even easier! However, the timer for the first few levels is pretty tight, with that ONE level being especially picky about it! What’s weird is that after you beat that level, the next few levels have a huge time limits, letting you take a breather before the ultimate final of the game… which just takes you to the main menu after you get yet another erotic Rizelmine image. There is a menu where you can view everything you’ve unlocked and… that’s about it. This game is pretty simple, with a certain unique look to it. I could argue about it’s replay value, which doesn’t go too far apart from killing a few minutes on the standard mode. What this game lacks is an actual challenge and even if you limit yourself with the unlimited, unpunishable flag usage, it is still a cakewalk. In the end, this game shines mostly about the fact that it is an unlicensed adult game that made its way into the GBA library.

Also, holy smokes did it take me a while to dig through dead links and torrents to get my hands on it…

Girl’s control [MSX] + [FDS] – Get shot or look at pixel buttocks.

girls control

“Girl’s Control” is a SHMUP that was released for the MSX and also for the Famicom Disk System under the name “Bishoujo Control”. Both games are quite different in various aspects, though they both share one thing in common, that being is that they are very awful games. I’m no master when it comes to SHMUPS, but I’ve had experience with enough games of that genre to know that “Girl’s control” isn’t something you want to put in your breakfast cereal.

Let’s look at the MSX version first. Given that you are running the game on MSX2+, you’ll be treated to a short slide show that depicts young girls being taken hostages by space men? [?]  I really like the outfits they’ve given the girls in this game. They are pretty charming and to certain extend silly, as all space outfits should be. Then you get treated to another intro, this time animated, of what I assume is the main heroine preparing her space ship for a take off. I’m not very knowledgeable of the MSX limits, but I think that the animation of this intro was pretty sweet. You get treated to the title screen afterwards, which again, is different, depending on if you are using MSX2+ or not. MSX2+ has the main character on the title screen, while MSX2 just shows her ship.

Off to liberate the space girls! The first thing that one might notice, is how chaotic the enemies are. While they have patterns to their movement and dedicated spawn points, it’s all down to RNG regarding which type of enemy is spawning and when do they fire their bullets at you. Enemies tend to cover pretty much the whole level area, so there isn’t any safe spot whatsoever. You can move freely with your ship as well, but I doubt that anyone would want to move away from the bottom side. One good reason for that is because of the damage amount that you take from sources. Your ship has the maximum amount of 100 Energy. You lose 10 for getting shot at and whopping 50 IF you collide with an enemy. What worked for me was staying in the center most of the time and just constantly shoot. Usually, enemies just straight fly into your bullets, so there is no need to move around that much, let alone pursue enemies. You’ll find yourself moving to the side often to either dodge bullets or avoid an enemy crushing into you. Something that I hate about this game is when an enemy is right above you and they decide to shoot. You have pretty much no time whatsoever to dodge the bullet, so you have to take the shot. That’s so lame…

Here’s the main gimmick of this game. Along with the enemy spacecraft, there are also flying letters, which you can shoot and in return, they can also shoot you! Truly, the eternal anger of the alphabet knows no bounds! Upon shooting those letters, a picture will start building on the right side of the level, showing one of the girls that you are rescuing, I guess… Shoot enough letters to fill in the picture and the girl will then undress for her medical space exam. No space pilots are allowed below C- cups! Now, there is also a chance that you might miss a letter or two, that’s no big deal! Yeah, sometimes it looks weird if that letter was for the piece that was part of the girl’s head, but hey! I’m OK with that. Weirdly enough, maybe even to a certain extend preferably, but let’s not get too crazy now! After you go through ten levels, the game sends you back to the levels you missed letters on, so you can properly finish each picture. Then the game ends, everyone is happy and they go for space ice cream.

There are two items in the games that you can SHOOT! That’s right! In this game, you shoot to consume! An energy tank that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT DOES and a red phallic thing that erases all progress you’ve done on the picture. Good thing the second one only sticks to the sides of the levels, which also happen to be the most deadly ones, given that enemies tend to respawn there and shoot a whole lot. You get continues for this game, but it’s one life game over. Doing no continue run of this game was quite the challenge for me. Not all that fun, but quite satisfying… Also, on levels six and nine, enemies don’t do damage to you with their shots. They can still collide with you though, but overall, you are free from harm. Good levels to stock on max energy if you are patient enough. I think you can also restore small amounts of energy by just shooting enemies, but it’s not near as efficient as just shooting an energy tank.

Girl's Control MSX DONE!

So how does the FDS version holds up…?

Gimmick remains. Shoot letter, which are now just panels build pictures of sexy girls. Letters/panels no longer shoot at you though. You also don’t have to shoot all of the letters/panels, but missing a certain amount would result in you having to repeat the level. The game no longer returns you to previous stages to fill in the pictures. Instead, it just ends after stage twelve, displays bland ending screen and loops from the first stage.

The girls now gradually undress as the stages go. Sometimes, after a stage is being completed, another girl with green hair shows up and undresses, with her clothes dropping by as the game progresses. Sometimes the same scene can occur twice. Is it based on how well you did in a stage? Maybe. Is this the girl the main character? The FDS version of the girl with red hair from the MSX one? A cousin? Little sister? I have so many questions to so many trivial and unimportant things and I would like NO ANSWERS! Sometimes, dreaming is all you need, really!

Enemies are still in their reign of chaos, still shoot right near above you, so you can have as little chance of survival as possible and I still find that to be pretty lame. This time it’s a one shot death though! You can get extra 1-ups by racking up enough points though! There are at least actual power-ups that you need to COLLECT! They still shoot you, so caution is advised! The bananas give you a laser that does miracles in a line! The rice ball [?] gives you shield that absorbs all damage taken for a period of time. This one is the power-up that completely breaks the game, along with another one – Shooting an UFO gives you a fat, slow bullet, which you can control. Given that the respawn point of most enemies is at the top of the screen, sending this bad fat boy all the way up is a pleasurable experience beyond anything I’ve ever played in a SHMUP game. That’s it. The only fun out of this game is that I can cheese through the barrage of enemies with my shield of immortality and obliterate everything with my stolen alien technology.

Sometimes a bird with an apple flies by, which serves as the red phallic thing from the MSX game. But it also changes the picture sometimes, like it warps you a level ahead? Speaking of levels, you tend to warp a whole lot in this game and I think level two only shows up on the first loop after you beat the game? Oh wait, I forgot to mention the most crucial thing about this game.

Your ship is a penis and you shoot semen.

Bishoujo Control FDS DONE!

BONUS TIME!

Here’s me getting the max score of “Bishoujo Control”. It leads to score reset and me wasting one, maybe two hours of my life. I can’t remember and I do not want to…

I love old shitty unlicensed adult games!

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Asahina Mikuru no Yoko Scroll Action – Contact lenses are weapons, Mikuru beam is blue – This platformer is hell, especially if you are new!

asahina

It was the Golden Age of anime, as Suzumiya Haruhi emerged from the emerald gardens of Japan and everyone accepted her as their literal goddess and the best anime/light novel ever made. Eventually, the Haruhi Lemmings would later become corrupted with the influence of Lucky☆Star, transforming into what we now call a man in his early 30s working at McDonald’s. I however, learned of Haruhi due to someone making a character model of her for M.U.G.E.N. To be fair, due to that platform, I pretty much got into toehoe, anime and doujin games in general. At least that’s how it used to be in the past, nowadays I just pay bills and shower three times a week.

Once I finished watching the whole of season one and read at least one chapter from the light novel, I craved to find and potentially play what Haruhi-based games might exist. I was madly in love with the series [until season two], due to the fact that it gave me a new and unique sensation, saying that as I person who mainly grew up watching few anime shows originating from the 70s to 90s. It’s like having your first crush on a girl in middle school, until you find about “Age of Empires II”!

There was this one game where you play as Haruhi herself and you get to move around the screen and shoot at falling stars and aliens. It was pretty colorful and fun, a game that I still like to this day! Another one was a game where you fight in a 3D arena. It was also pretty fun, but it ran fairly slow on my older PC. It had a good variety of characters and unlockables. I might consider revisiting it at some point in the future, who knows?

AND then, there was THIS! “Asahina Mikuru no Yoko Scroll Action” is a platformer based on that one bit from the Haruhi series, where the main cast makes a movie about magic, action and contact lenses shooting beams.

In the game, you take control of Asahina Mikuru, who sets on an adventure through EIGHT stages, all composed of literal, boring – gray platforms, like-like enemies, which tend to spawn in silly numbers as the game goes on and bosses who tend to become desperate, which makes them go to the most left side of the screen in an attempt to escape to a better game. As it is quite impossible for them to perform that action, they usually end up using their attacks off screen or they turn and start spamming them at you! It’s a wonderful world, especially if you consider Haruhi’s hard-to impossible to dodge explosion attack, unless you quickly go behind her or you hold yourself way up in the air via a special weapon.

Asahina DONE! I think

The bread and the butter of the platforming in this game is pretty much knowing how to time your double jump, as well as keeping a steady running momentum. While this game offers quite the arsenal, normal enemies are not that big of a deal. The most they can do is usually caught you off guard during your double jump and push you into a pit. Your default weapon is good enough to deal with most treats, not that good against bosses, really. If you lose your special weapon, you are more or less screwed during late-game bosses. How efficient the special weapons are really depends on their type and the location. Some weapons might make a certain part of a stage go like a breeze or another feel like hell on the slow bus show. You have the opportunity to switch them quite often, which is pretty nice. PICK THE CLOSE RANGED – WAVE WEAPON TO MAKE SHORT WORK OF ANY BOSS! Bosses can be a pain, especially due to their randomized movements and attack patterns. Fighting them usually revolves around being at a certain safe spot and in few cases – The RNG mercy! In few cases. This game is quite doable in 1CC, even without losing a life!

I don’t have anything to say about the music and the graphics really, they don’t feel all that special or impressive as a whole. They are OK! The difficulty of this game goes really high up after the forth stage. Stage five to eight is like a new game plus, where the first four stages are redesigned and bosses receive a few improvements in their attack patterns. Stage seven especially is the one which might be the reason for a player to drop this game. You could say that it’s pretty difficulty and it requires a series of precise platforming, along with keeping your momentum up all the time! What’s even worse is that sometimes when you think you’ve jumped off the edge of a platform, it would turn out that you were actually starting to fall and the jump that you used was your second one, which means that YOU DIE! [Similar experience I had in the first “Jumper” game!]

My advise for that level is to adjust your position on the platforms every now and then! While it might kill your momentum a little bit, it will secure you a steady position for your next jump, because honestly, you don’t really need all that much speed to make it to most platforms!

Another advise from me is that you should kill as many enemies as you can, so you can increase you life counter. The last stage even has enough enemies to supply you each time with a single life, so even if you lose at the boss, you pretty much have unlimited tries! Wait, you do have unlimited tries! The continues are unlimited! But what fun is this game if you don’t get the awesome secret message for the no continue run, right?

RIGHT?

Overall, this game is pretty bland and it pretty much capitalized on a hyphy trend for its time. I like it for what it is though. Like, no adore! 4.7 out of 10!!!