Totsugeki Masui Shoujo Alice [PC-98] – Needle on the path


A lot of medical tools tend to look pretty grotesque and disturbing. The mere sight of them tend to fuel our imagination with excess ideas of an outcome that would cause us an unimaginable amount of pain, once said tool is put into use. However, in reality, the actual case usually ends up being that you feel little to nothing… I’ve recently had a really messy visit at the dentist, where it took a while for my tooth to get pulled out. For how bloody and unusually painful it was, it still didn’t reach THAT point of uncomfortable experience that my mind fantasized about earlier, before the visit. Perhaps medicine has advanced to a point where one can be always at ease regardless of how extreme the situation is… or maybe I just grew up? … [?]

“Totsugeki Masui Shoujo Alice” is one of the best “Pipe Dream” clones that I’ve ever played!

Still, RNG can screw you up majorly if the game doesn’t decide to give you the proper pieces, especially in later stages where the field is already filled with paths and there are few empty spots where you can discard.

While the game doesn’t have a direct answer to this issue, it offers others that makes things a bit more tolerable. One of them is the addition of 1- ups that you can collect. While they require a bit of additional work for you to collect them, a stage containing one usually means that you don’t have to worry about failing it, as long as you collect the extra life beforehand. Another thing is that instead of having to deal with a flow of liquid that slowly fills up the space and the path that you created, your only concern here is the main character Alice, who can move freely as long as there is a proper path set for her. Backtracking is an option and in some stages a key element for success. You can also make Alice move faster, which is pretty important for stages with tight time limit, which are usually the result of the player being forced to place path pieces on one another, as the game is forcing the lose time intentionally. These stages are the only pain in the butt, but there are things that you can do to prevent consecutive losses. Trying to discard as less pieces as possible is a no- brainer, yet again, it is still quite affected by the RNG. Don’t place pieces that would drain the timer near the goal if Alice has still a way to go! Wait for her to get closer, then after placing the piece, just fire her up to go as fast as possible. There are items that can refill your time meter, but they also require some additional path building to be obtained… usually.

( I really like how the level designer/s put items out of reach to tease the player. You don’t see that kind of design usually, but I still find it quite charming when I do, even if the joke does not have that much of a high impact.)

The game has a decent difficulty curve. It paces between throwing hard and easy levels at you, but in general, it’s quite low in difficulty overall. There is a save and stage select feature as well! If you are looking for a great adult content, this one offers only nudity, with one of the girls being on a plain, boring black background for some reason. Either there was a blackout or she was hiding in a basement, one can only wonder as to why that is as it is.

Personally, I am quite satisfied with this game. If you are wondering what do syringes have to do with this game, I guess it’s the main character’s weapon of choice, which she uses against a guy/s…? [?] You do have to collect one before finishing every 5th stage or else… you just can’t enter the house and a life is lost instead if you try to do so.

Don’t ignore a need for a syringe! Vaccinate today!

RA Invasion [Part 3] – Flare’s Absolutely Mini- Games Only Weekend!


I don’t know how I managed to put myself into this situation… I guess one thing led to another and I lazily spent my weekend doing titles for RA that are composed entirely of mini- games. Apart from the two new games that I covered, I only had time to also do the Game Boy version of “Darkwing Duck”, which, despite being way easier than the NES one, is still quite fun nevertheless. Having the opportunity to explore it even further, I was quite satisfied with having to search for the secret bonus rooms. I like the new additions in the Game Boy version, especially the very last bonus room located down a hole, for which you need to use one of your special weapons to uncover it. Little neat things like that are making me feel glad that I am doing stuff for RA, revisiting old titles and whatnot, being able to  expand my joyful experience of a certain video game even further.


Arthur’s Absolutely Fun Day! [Game Boy Color]

I don’t know who the hell Arthur is, all I know is that it’s some sort of educational series and for some reason people still talk about it to this day. Maybe it’s the quality of education that the series provide, maybe people who grew up with it are at the age where they start to mix nostalgia with sexual fetishes, WHO KNOWS?

This game is composed of fifteen mini- games. The majority of them focus on concentration and timing, which I think is a pretty good topic, especially for young children. Not all of these games control very well, but they are simple enough to not invoke any potential feeling of frustration. There are no rules explained for any of the mini – games beforehand. You just pick one and jump right in, only with your natural instinct for what is right and wrong at disposal. The strawberry mini- game – That’s what’s very wrong! Having to move around at a snail’s pace picking strawberries is the worst part of this game, thank God it doesn’t last for too long… Sadly, RA managed to further ignite this living hell up with some SOUL BREAKING achievements… “I hate you so much for this one RA!”

I had trouble figuring out how to do the trash collecting mini- game. So you jump on your skateboard, you can increase your speed or slow down, but direct contact with any of the collectables proves to be ineffective? What the hell man? After a while, I figured out that you need to be near them and press “A” at the right time, so Arthur can do some weird pick- up motion. For a while I actually thought that it’s a jumping motion. The top- down view really wasn’t the best choice to convert that expression for picking up trash.

Some of the mini- games become a bit harder the more you play them. There are around three levels for each mini- game with actual difficulty scaling. There is also a very pointless and not fun bumper car mini- game. Bumper cars in general are not fun as a whole, let alone in a video game. Anyone stating otherwise is probably an actual bumper car in real life. I get it, ramming into stuff and children with their laughing parents! Hell, no parent of mine wanted to get into the car. This is how they taught me about the cruelty of the human world…

Pingu: Sekai de Ichiban Genki na Penguin [Game Boy]

Speaking of cruelty, here’s a video game starring freakin’ PINGU!

This game never left Japan for a reason! It was used as an introduction for toddlers to the video game world. Those who were successful were directly put through Ghosts ‘n Goblins for the NES afterwards – A harsh but fair process to prepare them for the cruel life ahead of being a salesman or an anime- loving degenerate. Those who failed Pingu however were directly sent to the South Pole to live the rest of their lives as actual Penguins. If you think I’m joking, then explain a penguin’s natural thirst for raw fish! The fact that I completed this game and I’m not sliding on my belly is another proof of how true my words are.

Now that I am done with my usual racist remarks and none- sense blabbing, I have to say, this game is not bad at all. It has a sweet, short plot of four small episodes, very true to the spirit of the original source material. The mini- games are average in difficulty, wherein’ some dictate the outcome via RNG. A good example for that is the columns mini- game. You can end up clearing some of the harder levels in no time or get stuck replaying the level for a while, until good pieces drop. Something that this game does well is that it SAVES THE PROGRESS that you’ve done in the mini- games, instead of putting you back to first level. How generous is that?

I especially adore the hub world where you can walk around and NOOT NOOT with the “A” button all day long!

RA has put some pretty good achievements for this game, though I still think they can add more to the set. Level 50 columns and fish- catching mini games? I mean, they’ve covered the hide and seek and the sliding puzzle one to the fullest, so why not the other two as well? Also, the snowball fight game achievement where you have to complete it with ten snowballs fired? I don’t know how I managed to perfect this game, given that you have to hit nine penguins who’s movements are heavily RNG based. Your biggest chance on hitting a penguin without screwing up is to catch them while being idle after firing a snowball in the hope that they’ll fire another one and not just move away. Also, a reminder that you have to charge your attack in order to throw a snowball further away. The charge bar also refreshes each time it reaches the maximum output… TALK ABOUT PRECISE TIMING!

Honestly, I think it’s easier to win the lottery than what I managed to do.

Thank you RNG Jesus!

Super Amazing Wagon Adventure – A journey through pixelated hell!

This is wagone!

A hell indeed!Pretty much everything wants you dead in SAWA![Those initials sound really silly…]Just like in a real adventure!That’s why I tend to avoid adventuring nowadays.I am really not up for dealing with all the things in the world that would want me dead,just because of my simple desire to escape my boring,everyday life.

…so in this game,once you pick the flamethrower,you just remove every potential challenge that the game can throw at you.You save your precious ammo by clicky-click-tap-tap and you win the game!That of course happens after you tried to do so 7 times,but failed miserably.By that I mean you didn’t found enough ammo for the flamethrower.

There is also a glitch event during the game that can be triggered,which pretty much puts SAWA directly into my list of good quality games.You wanna make a good game?Use the “glitch” running gag that has been passed down for years!That outta put your product right on the spotlight!


Charater customization is pretty decent.Not too rich,but hey!-For a pixelated game it’s quite alright!Weapons vary from amazing looking and effective to ones that don’t make much of a difference,compared to the normal/defualt/ gun.If anything,most would prevent you from collecting the precious pelts that you need,so you can trade with fur traders.Also,the flamethrower!I already mentioned that…

When you start to play SAWA,it really feels like you are at the mercy of the RNG goddess and what events she is going to throw at you.After a while though,you just get used to them and…there really isn’t any challenge whatsoever to the game anymore.The game provides you with lots of unlockables,like new wagons and challenges,which is pretty awesome.I thought that the new wagons with their special traits would have an impactful change on the game but…no.After the 10th adventure the magic is pretty much gone…


In conclusion – Don’t pick this game if you are going to unlock and clear everything in two days!Get some friends and play it every weekend or so!Have fun with it!Have fun with it for more than the first few runs!

As this game threw random stuff at me,I’ll throw a random score of 6.2 out of 10 at it!Of course,I’m joking!I had fun!

There is also music in this game,I swear!

Dungeon Surge – There will be{no}fun! //


Dungeon Surge is a game where [Lack of effort] and [RNG-dependant] seem to be the core elements of the gameplay.You just let your knight character run and fight all the enemies by himself,while you just change between his three battle stances and click on shops/fountains that you pass by to increase your stats/heal.Sounds simple right?Maybe that’s the case for the early levels and their difficulties,where you can just set your character in defense stance with a maxed defense tree and watch as the levels drop by.Yes!IUpgrade trees!You can’t go wrong with those,especially if they have impactful or game dependant upgrades,just like in this case.After the first few levels the game forces you to learn a bit of management between the stances and…the rest is pretty much the RNG of the game being merciful to you.Even with all the upgrades maxed,you are still pretty much left in the same position as before.Still,not having them makes it pretty much impossible to progress.I guess I would have not mind that if the game actually required me to show some skills,instead on relying on pure luck.The usual scenarios are: “The RNG spawns you lots of tough enemies at the start.You die.”, “The RNG gives you some early chests for gold and you invest in some stats,but later on,your lack of money brings you down since you can’t invest in new upgrades.” and “You get chests and items constantly,you get lots of shops and you invest in them to the point where you end up overkilling the whole level.” Hey,items!They exist!Sadly,their usage follows the game setup of being nonexistant to “A must”.They remove all the threat from the bosses of the levels.

Dunegon surge done!

Let’s also not forget the trend of using achievments to advertise yourself.Achievments in general!ACHIEVMENTS!/////

YOU ALSO COLLECT KITTIES!THERE IS THAT FOR SURE!Who can say no to a Knight set on a quest to defeat monsters and save kitties?

I also noticed that the game tries to be fun with the various descriptions of the enemies,but…no.The humor feels dull.It pretty much screams “Hey look at me,I’m funny!”There is that turn-off too…

Yeah,I guess I didn’t had that much of a fun with this one…

But hey,I am still willing to give it a 4.3 and the honorable title of “Knight of It’s something”.