BodyConQuest I: Abakareshi Musume Tachi [FDS] – Touch a dragon, feel a dragon

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I want to go on an adventure where I bump and hump my enemies through battles, while beheading their commanders with my stainless steel body. Where women would undress for my entertainment, just because I have a conversation with them. A world, where the only woman in which I have interest would refuse to show me her ass, no matter what I do, even if I saved said world from a certain demise. That’s BodyConQuest for the FDS! The first ever RPG in which I had the pleasure to experience combat that revolves around colliding with your foes and boy it’s… pretty fun.

As far as the actual adult content in this game goes, the most you are going to get out of it is full nudity and not much else. I didn’t even knew before my second playthrough that you unlock additional scenes by talking more and more with some of the girls. The plot of the game is actually pretty alright and to a certain point it feels more rewarding to get and experience the sweet ending, rather than just looking at wenches meat flesh.

The game is pretty simple and easy. Just run into things to kill them, level up, get stronger, traverse plain and boring dungeons, get loot! Equipment is especially important in this game in order to be able to deal with stronger enemies, so make sure to check every shop and every corner of every dungeon for a potential higher tier item. You don’t need much grinding in order to progress. Maybe spending 5 to 10 minutes on each new type of enemies would be a good idea, just to be on the safe side, if that’s your thing. There is a key that you can miss if you don’t find and walk on the right spot on the overworld map, but all it does is let you speak to the locked hermit guy, who just tells you a hint for a puzzle thing that I managed to solve by myself. It also unlocks a shortcut to an area, which you don’t really need… Bosses are pretty easy, just aim for the head and make sure you are geared properly. Otherwise, there isn’t much more to this game. It’s a simple, fun and quite enjoyable game. It won’t blow your mind, nor will you be able to blow your load, but it’s quite suitable for a late afternoon tea break.

Bodycon DONE!

I forgot to mention that there are also spells in this game, each of which, from the start, is overpowered enough to further ensure your success. The music didn’t strike me as something grand, but it was quite nice nevertheless.

Maybe one day I’ll play the sequel. They say it’s pretty tough, but hey! I managed to learn how to properly wash a table cloth with the cleaner, I don’t see how can anything else in this universe be more challenging than that!

War of the Craft “The Third” – Mechanical Gnolls

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Let’s just say that due to a “certain” someone, I decided to get back to this game after a decade. I was quite curious to see how well will I manage after such a long time has passed, especially if I set the difficulty on the highest! And what do you know, I managed to pass the tutorial and later even beat a single INSANITY CPU on 1v1 custom map! Looks like Blizzard’s “Mechanical Gnoll Poacher” mind-game was not enough to set me back!

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Last time I played “Warcraft III ” was before the release of the two extra chapters for the Orc’s bonus campaign in “The Frozen Throne”. I wasn’t any good back then if it came to playing against other people, but I did manage to clear every campaign on normal difficulty.[Except for the last chapter of the Undead campaign in “The Frozen Throne”]. Honestly, if I am to try the ranked ladder, I would probably end up losing all games, as long as I don’t get a win due to someone leaving. Overall, my current goal is to clear every official campaign[+ various custom campaigns] on Hard difficulty, beat as many custom scenario maps and just have as much fun as possible. “Warcraft III” is a pretty enjoyable and fun game to me. Some of my friends find the game to be pretty weird and uninviting, what with its concept of RTS+RPG mixture, to which I say “Just play the game…”. If anything, it’s the learning curve that will bring you the most entertainment. Easy to learn, hard to master. I had a crush on Jaina when I was 12… I also find it neat that the game was released a day after my 11th birthday. This is an important information regarding the game!

I know that the game still gets updates every now and then, but they are not really all that impactful on the main content as a whole. Thus, super-clearing this should be alright.Regardless, I do find the idea of sticking to this game for as long as I can quite inviting…

warcraft-iii-1-3-done

I had to play it right away. I had to find out what happens after the first chapter. I’ve been holding myself from doing this for so many years! This campaign follows the adventures of an Ogre, Troll, Panda and Old-man Tauren chieftain. Relies pretty heavily on the RPG concept, essentially making the usage of any other units, but your main hero characters, useless. LITTLE TIMMY IS STILL ALIVE! THANK YOU BLIZZARD! THANK YOU! I liked the addition of custom dungeons in the second chapter. Not big of a fan on that OUTLAND ARENA bit, but overall, I enjoyed the “new” content quite a lot. Especially the long-ass fight with the DEATHLORD on that one secret-island-secret place in the second chapter.Third chapter felt quite short and the ending was a lackluster. Well, at least I got to play with Jaina around for a bit and visit her kingdom. Was always wondering about that little island when I played the Orc’s campaign in RoC…

warcraft-iii-1-2-done

I actually tried to play the Human campaign on Hard mode back in the days. Though it was on accident and I didn’t realize up until later that I changed the difficulty. By later I mean when I got attacked by an army that had two “Abominations” in its ranks on chapter four. It didn’t happen on this run though,hm! [ I was always afraid to try things on higher difficulty back then…] The early missions where pretty much me fooling around and collecting items for Arthas, while trying to remember all the secrets hidden around.Additional few moments with my eternal love Jaina and here we go chapter FIVE! The chapter where the Hard difficulty finally spikes up and hits you right in the jaw! Fight beefy, upgraded Abominations with your puny units, get overrun by skeleton warriors since you didn’t bother to upgrade or train any Priests and here is finally the enemy Lich hero! Fuck everything you built or trained! For one thing, I forgot that there was a secret at the start, where you can get two Footmen for FREE! Creeping the few ogre camps in the area helps out quite a bit regarding gold income, but it felt like you need to do it early in the game, along with the caravan side quest.In the end, I beat the mission due to simple luck, that being the enemy ignoring that one hidden farm that I built next the shop, not far away from the main base. OH MAN SURVIVAL MISSIONS! Truly, those should be the ones I fear the most in the future…

Then it’s the “Kill 100 zombies before Dreadlord man claims them” chapter, where you completely ignore Mal’Ganis and finish your quest due to the massive output of Knights. Then in the next chapter, I noticed a gold mine missing on the map! Quite the difficulty change, didn’t really affect anything… In the last chapter, Arthas turns into a steam tank once he gets his new weapon. The constant use of divine shield and the new chaos-type attack that Arthas gains lets you slowly go through every single structure of what enemy bases you can find. That’s low mana cost-long duration – can’t kill me – spells for you!

I was expecting way worse from the campaign! I’m glad things went alrighty…

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“They filled in a gap!” I mean, Warcraft III was exciting in terms of plot for young “Me”. I found the idea of custom campaigns to be pretty awesome, though I didn’t really bother to look for any whatsoever. “Exodus of the Horde” is the continuation of the tutorial campaign in RoC, though I didn’t knew that in the demo, these chapters were actual part of it!

While the first two chapters go past by like a breeze, the Hard difficulty strikes yet again on, you know, the mission where you have to defend your base for a certain amount of time! The main issue is mainly the siege rock-golems, which tend to pillage your buildings in no time. They are essentially Steam tanks with a Thunder Clap, which makes a short work of what units you might try to use to surround the golems in attempt for a takedown. Thrall’s chain lightning and Spirit Beasts can deal alone with normal Murloc groups. For the golems, I just went mass raiders, which were quite useful against the rest of the enemy units as well.

I could have beaten the chapter on my first try, but sadly, what happen was that I lost my last building seconds later after the timer ran out. Victory cutscene + defeat, end game status screen! Now that was something I’ve never seen before!

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I wonder how would intelligence-attribute heroes fare in the late game on WarChasers when it comes to a solo run. Strength and Agility ones just need Mask of Death and Cloak of Flames to be set, really. I also tried doing this map with a different character. I’ve beaten it twice with Optimus Primo and Blade Berserker before. SOME OF THOSE NAME REFERENCES!

Snake Ayes was fun overall. Loved the kiting game and the Mask of Death abuse. Still, a solo run can be a pain when it comes to the tank part. A REAL PAIN OF A GAME CALLED…

…waiting.For more WarCraft III content.Soon.Regenerating…

Toilet in Wonderland + Some rambling regarding exploration RPGMaker games in general

toilet

This is a game that I played a few years ago and I remember enjoying it a lot! I had great time with it back then and I was even willing to name it the best exploration RPGMaker game that I’ve ever played! However, my whole opinion on it changed when I decided to replay it for the LR19’s vault. It downgraded to a certain extend,  enough for me to remove “Toilet in Wonderland” as a potential “the” top-ranked title in that genre. I would say, this game is good at giving great first impressions, but it lacks an actual replay value. Don’t get me wrong, I think this game has a lot of good pointers – Enjoyable and fun cast of characters, fitting soundtrack  and neatly built worlds/maps overall. It’s solid regarding the requirements needed to be covered for an exploration game to be a blast! But you know, a blast does not long last! As much as I like the macho-butt man and walking around collecting laxatives, the obscure jokes and events won’t have the same effect on me as they had the first time. Perhaps I’ve grown out of my butterfly shell and became a simple worm.

A worm residing underground who wanders in the darkness around.After a certain time it manages to craw out of the ground.An illuminating light, then perhaps, a fitting reward called [death]. Otherwise, back to the darkness it goes! If I had to describe what “Toilet in Wonderland” lacks, which other games of the same genre have, then this is it! As stupid as it might sound, this is my ultimate opinion regarding what a good exploration RPGMaker game feels like.

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I was pretty impressed that this game was made in just few days. It also got second place in some RPG Maker make game make Japanese event. Overall, this game has flavor for tasting, so please, by all means, try it out! Even if it has recycled sprites from other projects, even if its plot about curing constipation sounds silly, for all you know, it might just end up being your thing!

Personally, it was my 7.1 out of 10 game…

Harbinger – Now with 27% more plasma!

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I want to escape the heat of the summer!I’m sick and tired of all the people buying watermelons,ice pops and jeeps!I can’t handle all the misunderstood teens and bweens!

I wanna go to space!I wanna board a giant freakin’ space ship!I wanna shoot at robots, aliens and giant insects with my plasma gun,while treversing through the billion corridors of the ship!

I wanna go to HARBINGER!

A game which people in my time used to simply call “Diablo in space”.A title which showed that you can take and use an existing formula to make something in a whole new different aspect,while keeping the magic burning pretty bright.Play as the Human,the Gladiator robot or the Culibine – Each character has their own story,special additional stages prior to the main story,as well as their own different playstyle.Become tanky and unkillable with the human!One-shot every enemy and boss with the Culibine’s nova attack!The Gladiator freakin’ sucks!No,really!He doesn’t shine at all with anything whatsoever!Here’s why…

Unlike in other “Diablo-like” games,the battles in “Harbinger” require the player to position,dodge and kite.Tanking direct hits and using melee attacks would usually lead to the loss of huge amount of your character’s HP.[Or death.Mostly death.]While each of the three character have their own ranged and melee attacks,only the Culibine’s nova attack is good enough to actually obliterate things effectively.HOLD THAT THOUGHT!It’s actually the one attack that seems to be WAY to effective to even obliterate the bosses in the game in two-three hits.THAT’S CHARACTER BALANCE AT ITS BEST!The Human’s and Gladiator’s melee attacks aren’t all that great,which sucks,given the fact that the Gladiator was probably meant to be a character that advances in melee skirmishes!

While you won’t be able to hire mercenaries to help you along the way,each of the three characters in “Harbinger” can use various gadgets to make their life easier.The Human can plant various landmines with different effects,the Gladiator can place and take control of a remote cameras that can explore and attack and the Culibine can use her AMPS – Flying ball objects – to protect herself or attack nearby mobs.Here’s the thing about the gadgets – You are either going to use them a few times and forget about them or not use them at all!For all I know,they are not all that efficient and if anything,would just consume more time while providing low results.[They are also a bad investment!Their droprate is quite common,so save your UAN for better goods!]

Speaking of goods,”Harbinger” offers a good amount of gear for the three character types.While some items are only available for a specific class,they still tend to drop during any playthrough,making them unusable,but a fairly good income when sold.During the whole game,the only place where you can trade is by the NPC “Ona”,who would buy anything and sell items specific to your class/character.Gradually,over the course of the game,Ona will try to sell you better and more expensive items,so saving your money for the late game is a pretty good strategy.Items vary from armors to weapons,gadgets and chips.Specificly “Ruffles” and “Lays”,which can be put into various items who have the slots for them.The chips in the game enhance your equipment,by rising various stats or by giving you additional type of attacks for both your ranged and melee weapon.Pretty similar to the gems in “Diablo II”.You can equip and unequip them at any time,which lets you gear up the right way before you go to a certain zone.

Harbinger 1.1 DONE!

As far as the game goes,the gameplay is pretty linear and on the easy side of difficulty.The game saves your progress constantly and the penalty for dying is pretty much nonexistant.You can’t grind in the game,since enemies don’t respawn and usually,once you finish a certain zone,you can’t get back to it.So make sure to grab anything that seems useful or would make a pretty good money.The game provides you with an additional inventory space in terms of an EZ Stash,which is similar to the Chest Stash in the “Dibablo” genre.However,during your travels in some zones,you might end up finding other EZ Stashes,which connect with the one at your base,making collecting and storing items a pretty easy task.

The zones and the enemies in the game vary,but most of the time you are going to end up fighting in the ship,usually storming through Vantir or “Bugs”.As I like to call it: “After shooting through 50 robots that spew out plasma when they die,you have to kill 100 more!” The Vantir are not robots though and they are not made out of plasma.They are a goo creatures in suit of armor and who the hell even cares?

ALSO!Some enemies tend to be weak to certain attacks and more resistant to others,but usually,plasma does the job just fine.USUALLY!There are also bosses,which tend to be pretty impressive during the first encounter,but then again,first encounters regarding most things tend to be impressive,so there’s that.Expect every boss battle to be a long kite festival.Otherwise you are bound to die in two or three hits.Some zones are optional,which means that you can skip them,thus missing on loot and experience,so I wouldn’t recommend it… [Leveling up usually ends up at level 35,as long as you haven’t skipped any areas.]

So after this huge wall of text,here’s my honest opinion about this game: I really like it!I used to play it quite a bit back in the days,but even now,my impression on it is still the same.The graphics are pretty well-made,the music is pretty atmospheric and to be fair,both of these factors make this game a really good “I am on a space ship” experience.There is a good depth to the NPCs characters and they never bored me with their dialoge!The dialoge is really good in Harbinger!The characters feel like real people who are willing to give me a piece of their mind,going even further in.Even the greedy Ona would go to an extension where he can describe how art feels to him and how much he despise young tumblr girls.

And Wik is my favourite!

I am the Wik!We all are the Wik!

The plot is pretty decent and there are quite a few secrets that can be found on the ship,which adds even further to it.[As well as additional stuff for your character!]

I am giving this hidden chip a 8.7 out of 10!

BUT WAIT,why?Isn’t this game super-great?

While the game has a lot of impressive work to offer,there are still few things about it that are a decent turn-off.One example is the unresponsive pathing.Sometimes your character ends up not moving on attacking,especially around tight corridors.Another big bummer is the repetative battles.While the enemies show a bit of an A.I. in terms of shooting at you and making group attacks,the learning curve to reading them ends up pretty fast.”Harbinger” is a pretty easy game to master.Some zones tend to go for way too long,thus,creating a bit of annoyance for the player.Various bugs can still be found in the game,that tend to create quite a bit of silly situations.

…and yeah!That’s “Harbinger”!Personal favourite title,would recommend trying at least once…

Also,cinematics!Only two,but pretty neat!

Space Funeral – BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD

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BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD.BLOOD BLOOD!BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD?BLOOD.BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!!!BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD.BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD.BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD.

BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD.BLOOD BLOOD!BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!!!BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD… BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD.

Space Funeral DONE!

BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD.BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD.BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!

BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD.BLOOD OUT OF BLOOD!BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!

BLOOD.