Squeeze – 124 tips on how to be the best lover in the world

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For one thing, you need to have a certain level of tolerance towards various issues. The most common one usually being lying to yourself about the actual state of your life. The idea of panic has reached a point of a trend rather than an actual issue. One should take into consideration of what actual goals do they pursue when it comes to relationship. Do you like a person because you want to spend your whole life groping their slowly decaying flesh or because they have a really great collection of model ships inside bottles? Here’s another common issue – Having the guts to deny and say no. That goes both ways – for you and your partner. No video games. No three meals per day. No coffee. No way? Stay friends!

That’s all honestly! As simple as it might sound, once you get over these facts, all you need to do is remember the unique randomly generated sequence of over 31 breast groping moves and you’ll be on your way to satisfy your partner as the best lover in the world! Watch the eyebrows, don’t take notes! You can, but come on now! One should have a good memory when it comes to being the best lover! Taking down notes is for school nerds!!!

Squeeze DONE!

Be the best lover! It’s FREE! : http://montrose.is/sketching/201808142310.html

Prosciutto Funghi

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One thing that I was enjoying for sure during my university years in the big city was the variety of good food that I could stuff my mouth full of. Where I live currently – my home town – there is pretty much nothing good here! In general, I tend to go for fast foods and junk snacks, but I tell you, even if I brought myself up to actually cook, there are no any good ingredients whatsoever that you can buy in this mountain hell of a town!

There was that one pancake hut, which I really liked when I lived in the big city. It was the kind of “New type of pancakes EVERYDAY” and I really liked the spicy ones. I’ve never eaten spicy pancakes up until then, my beloved mother would usually serve them plain or with pine honey and nuts. Sometimes with strawberry jam. Depends. The thing is, I can’t go below twenty pancakes once I start eating ’em, but the hut had quite the nasty prices. One pancake only never manages to fill in the void of my stomach, no matter how tasty it might be! Maybe what really matters when it comes to pancakes is the quantity, rather than the actual quality? – In my case that’s it. Maybe if I had a cooking robot, that question could have been answered quite easily…

Mogeko Castle 1.1 DONE!

There was also that one pizza place where you can order up from. The delivery service was pretty good, I would usually wait up to ten minutes, fifteen during the winter. Always got the warm box, never managed to get rid of the bloody olives! No matter how much I gently asked beforehand during the order, my pizza would always have five to six freaking olives on top. Oh, you better believe I threw those away! Point at me, get angry if you will – I hate olives! I hate their smell, I hate their taste and I would never consider them to be an actual food, let alone part of a pizza!

I don’t remember how the place was called though. I would guess, “Underaged Fisting”. Their sauces and especially the cream cheese were pretty great. I made the mistake of ordering a pizza with chilli peppers once, barely managed to get past half of it. No, removing the chilli peppers didn’t solve anything! Their taint remains and can’t be removed at all! If I was feeling suicidal enough, I could have shoved them all inside my mouth, along with the olives I didn’t order. I had hope for tomorrow though, a hope I call milk. Milk is a pretty good hope! Their Pizza Margherita is pretty costly though, obviously made with the idea of being affordable by families and not by single customers.

The Prosciutto Funghi is probably the best pizza in the universe though! Talk about quality meat and the pleasure of tasting some of the most delicious mushrooms from glorious eastern Europe! All warpped in melting cream cheese, tasty sauce and the olives go into the trash can yet again! Truly, the only thing that managed to ruin my experience from eating this universal meal was the delivery guy, who tried to keep the change that one time. No! I could not allow it. You can’t just assume you can do something without my word on it. We are not talking about saving the world or delivering a baby here, we are talking about doing your job at delivering a pizza! Was I supposed to allow that as within the idea that I was satisfied with the service? Well, I guess I can never be satisfied. It’s not about actual facts happening, it’s about me accepting them. And guess what, I am not doing that! He was rich enough in the first place to own a car and use it for his job, I’m sure he’ll be fine without my money that I used to buy the biggest bag of potato chips the next day.

Anyways…

Dragon Bride – A fan-made title that takes on the idea of “What if “Dragon Quest” was a bride?:

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When it comes to “Dragon Quest” related material, all I know about the series is that it consists of various RPGs, all adored by Japanese peeps, due to the usual VIDEO GAME CHILDHOOD IMPACT! I don’t know anything else about the games though. Apart from visual recognition, if I were to be asked to explain plot, characters or specific gameplay part, I would probably come with an excuse to go out and buy some milk.

“Dragon Bride” is a fan-made production title that puts the series into the light of pornography. Despite being of Japanese origin, the game does also come with a horrible English translation, which adds both to a bit of humor and disappointment. Given my lackluster knowledge on the “Dragon Quest” series, I can’t really provide a good explanation about the plot, but as a whole, as I have seen it, it’s about the Hero being tricked by some Dragon-wizard lady into a deal, which separates the world in half, wherein each part gets populated by a fraction of one gender only. The Hero is send to the part where only males exist and the Dragon-wizard lady remains in the part where only females are. A problem regarding reproduction arises, so the Dragon-wizard lady uses magic to grow a penis, planning to potentially deal with that problem by herself. There’s your plot setting for the whole game! You also have to capture a princess that managed to escape your clutches or something, but you don’t get to do anything to her, regardless. [Unless you have the GLASSES item equipped, which lets you see her naked towards the end of the game!]

Dragon Bride 1.1 DONE!

As the game puts you into the shoes of the Dragon-wizard lady, you get to travel through various stages, each consisting of certain number of small areas filled with enemies. You can fight at close range with your weapon or you can shuffle through various spells and cast them instead. While you can unleash some hell on your enemies, inflicting a specific amount of damage can also stun them, which lets you have some “sexy” time with your victims. The whole procedure is composed of a slider that you can adjust for how slow or fast do you wish the scene to proceed, all in all while dealing with a randomized time limit. Quite exciting indeed, especially if you are into not doing much. I am quite the fan of that regarding certain circumstances!

The game is not all that difficult, but there are some annoying parts. However, they can be passed quite easily if you abuse the not-so great enemy A.I. and the items/upgrades you can purchase from the shop. A player might find themselves replaying a level or two just so they can purchase everything from the shop, but to be fair, it doesn’t feel all that rewarding, really. You can obtain the best gear fairly fast, which makes the lower tier fairly useless, apart from a cosmetic usage. Speaking of that, the game has quite the notch on that, as it even comes with the option of not only customizing the main character, but the other generic enemies in the erotic scenes as well. [Unique bosses cannot be customized, sadly!]

In conclusion, I wouldn’t say that I enjoyed the game all that much. The overall gameplay mechanic felt pretty boring, all in all with the fairly unsatisfying scenes. Maybe I’m just asking for too much, but in the end, this is a good title for a single afternoon blast off or two. Whatever you prefer. Whatever… 4.7 out of 10.

The Maiden Rape Assault: Violent Semen Inferno – Ridiculous title and not much else really!

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It was quite a long time ago when I played this “average to not really all that fun” eroge piece. I think I did so on my old PC, a bit before I got a brand new laptop and started university, which was around late 2009 or 2010. What got me to try this game was no doubt its silly and unusual name, a common fate I assume struck others as well. What I also remember was that It was really boring. To be more precise, it was the actual erotic scenes that seemed to drag on forever, to even a point where I considered many times to just shut the game off and play something else. Apart from that, I also found the cast of the game to be pretty uninteresting, both in design and character. Sure, the game has a cute, yandere girl, but given that such appeal does not work on me, I say, the game did not had much else in store to keep me excited whatsoever. The plot itself lies in a pretty thick atmosphere, slowly leading the player from hell under the sea to restaurant pizza decay. Pizza is alright!

This game had a lot of things that were hit ten years ago. However, by my personal taste and understanding back then, I would say that it just couldn’t present them as well as other titles did. Overall problem is the fact that for how short “The Maiden Rape Assault: Violent Semen Inferno” is in terms of play hours, most of time you are bound to spent going over text you don’t really care about reading. That’s 70% of the game I guess. I guess…

maiden rape semen inferno DONE!

My opinion on this game did not change even after I replayed it recently. Though I had more tolerance for the dragging erotic scenes, I noticed many times how some of Michiru’s voiced lines where recorded in a REALLY noticeable way.  *cough*

Honest score – 5 out of 10. + .5 for the title name. Alright!

177 – Special Valentine’s day event! How cuddling and hand – holding saved the life of my pet fly Humphrey!

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How could I even say “Yes” to her? She might have stared at me in disapproval with her chestnut-brown dark eyes, but it was me who was truly disappointed! If she is unwilling to travel to the center of the Earth to find my corpse and mourn about my death, I am not really expecting her to fight the giant cyborg-monster later either! I mean, come on! “They” put a lot of effort into stealing and using my brain to bring that pile of garbage into motion! Then again, it’s just easier for her to close both eyes, sigh and go home! That won’t solve anything though! If anything, she is bound to keep her title of being an old lady that nobody likes, let alone LOVE! What awaits her within’ the burning depths of her hellish home is just more dirty underwear all over the place and week old popcorn,scattered like a pack of sheep on the floor.EXTRA BUTTER!

Her cat is not even going to come and greet her! The cat is death. It killed itself because it hated “her” so much! It was to be expected, as suicide cases tend go in high numbers around people who can’t acquire all 200′ “chests”. Yes! That’s right! You go and look at yourself in the mirror! Who can admire those disgusting slabs of meat-flesh, mainly your “Adventure Island” pair of eggplants?! If you think that you have a sexy legs and a nice ass, then I have news for you! You are absolutely right! But one can see just as much at the stare of the vile Medusa! “Hello, Medusa? I’m sorry about earlier… How about a cup of coffee and some “Jason X” tonight?” is what she thought I would say. And I did.

177-done

There is a hook and bait for every fish and fish for every bait and hook. The reason why you are alone on Valentine’s day is because you value the life of every fish and you would rather let them back in the water. I won’t though! They might drown!!!

Happy Valentine’s day everyone!