Squeeze – 124 tips on how to be the best lover in the world

meat

For one thing, you need to have a certain level of tolerance towards various issues. The most common one usually being lying to yourself about the actual state of your life. The idea of panic has reached a point of a trend rather than an actual issue. One should take into consideration of what actual goals do they pursue when it comes to relationship. Do you like a person because you want to spend your whole life groping their slowly decaying flesh or because they have a really great collection of model ships inside bottles? Here’s another common issue – Having the guts to deny and say no. That goes both ways – for you and your partner. No video games. No three meals per day. No coffee. No way? Stay friends!

That’s all honestly! As simple as it might sound, once you get over these facts, all you need to do is remember the unique randomly generated sequence of over 31 breast groping moves and you’ll be on your way to satisfy your partner as the best lover in the world! Watch the eyebrows, don’t take notes! You can, but come on now! One should have a good memory when it comes to being the best lover! Taking down notes is for school nerds!!!

Squeeze DONE!

Be the best lover! It’s FREE! : http://montrose.is/sketching/201808142310.html

Very Retrouvaille – Fetch Quest, Comfy Town (/

very retro

This is a relative short game made with the RPGbaker 2003, which I played once years ago, during my harsh university years. It brought me lots of joy back then! For how simple the game is, I really had no complains whatsoever in general. Things haven’t changed a lot since then. By that I mean that the game is still as sweet and nice as I remember it.

I honestly think that the biggest plus of this game is the fact that the made “Me” as an actual NPC. Now how can I rate this title less than 1 million out of 10?

what is love

There are several cameos of characters from other spicy RPGshaker titles from back then, along with references to other popular games and media. Now in my book, that’s a good video game design, especially when you show off that you have a good taste via it.

But for real, it’s the beautiful artwork and color scheme that adds an unique and fresh look to the game, despite it’s unoriginal formula of casual fetch quest. The game is just the right length for one to not get bored and be left with a satisfying feeling. This is how you make a short and enjoyable game. This title is one good example. Maybe I am being too generous over the butt of my own head, but that’s how it is I guess…

The plot of the game is quite simple. The main character is not a Demon girl, but rather, a Ram! Everyone in town is part animal. Now get this, you are looking for the pet rabbit of the main character, so you have to ask the mayor, who is part rabbit too, to let you out of town! Tell me how many games you’ve played with such an interesting turn of events? None for sure!

The characters in the town are some of the nicest animal people ever. You get to solve a math problem and find missing photos for an album. The second one is optional. In case you are having problem doing so, just make sure to talk to everyone about everything. Take note that some characters might have different responses, depending on how far into the game you might be.

Very Retrouvaille DONE!

I am really glad that I decided to play this game yet again. Did you know? This is the first game of its developer! BING! We have a first timer quality madman yet again! I wish those would happen more often. I wish I would post more often.

I told you already that this game is 1 billion out of 10. Do I even have to repeat myself? Sheesh!

Toadette Strikes: Toad Strikes Back 2 – A Mere Example of the High Quality, Free Video Game Market, PC Eldritch God Race

toadette get down

What I like, is when free to play video games are of such high quality, that they make others, pay to game titles, look like complete garbage soup. There are lots of good, free games out there! “Toadette Strikes Back” is a title made by the same person who made “Psycho Waluigi” – Another very good, free to play game, that I covered in the past!

Nintendo’s cutie Toadette, gets her own fan- made game and it’s quite the feast for fans of the platforming genre! The author, Thunder Dragon, really knows how to bring us a quality product that managed to capture the style of magic of NIntendo, if not, with even more flavor to the recipe.

This is a pretty pretty game! The graphics are really nice and the controls are well done. Where it stands as your typical run and jump game, there is a lot more on the table, what with many gimmicks from classic Mario games enhancing the experience even further. You got the hammer weapon, the fire flower, the Yoshi, the Homing Pigeon, the Armageddon! Over 100 classic weapons, some of which are not even in the game!

The level design is really good! In addition, there are collectable medals in each level, that will provoke your exploration desires for sure! Levels are not too long or short, but just of the right length. This makes exploring and overall progress fly by,which keeps the player interested. Save feature is also available if you need to throw out the trash or lie down for a bit and rethink your recent life choices.

Toadette Strikes DONE!

Regarding difficulty, this game is pretty generous. For veterans, “Hard” is more or less of essence for a good time. As for the whole difficulty progress scaling, it’s done well enough! You are bound to have some trouble towards the end, but nothing too special to talk about over the phone with your mother. The bosses are pretty neat and challenging! Aiming for full completion of the game is kind of a must, if one wishes to experience all the great extra levels and the secret boss fight at the end! Level variety is pretty good! Just like in “Psycho Waluigi”, each one always adds something new and interesting to the gameplay experience!

If you are a fan of “Super Mario Bros 2 Doki Doki Popcorn Aquila”, this game is like a reimagination – sequel. Some levels from SMB2 do make an appearance, with some tweaks and changes here and there. There’s more to this, but I’ll leave it there! The music is great and the plot is pretty fancy and charming, the comfy edition.

It may seem that I do not say much about this game. Truth to be told, this title is pretty straightforward and there isn’t anything to complain about, really. I did find some glitches though…

… in the glitch level. THANK YOU! You were a great audience tonight! 9.8 out of 10 Toadette!!!

Divine Sealing [Sega Genesis] – Step by step, dress by dress

divine sealing

Before I start working on an entry, I always do a bit of a research on it beforehand. I look up at the general description, the developing company and publisher/s, potential revisions, regional differences and updates. I avoid consulting manuals and I tend to check up completion rate only if I have doubts/think that I’ve done everything the game had to offer me.

What attracted me to try out “Divine Sealing” was mainly the fact that it was unlicensed game for the Sega Genesis, a console I am not very familiar with. I really do love bootlegs and unlicensed titles, probably because deep down inside me, I’ve always looked up after that which is cast away by the major human standard of quality. Maybe I feel like I’ve been given the same treatment through all the hardship I’ve went in my life, but that’s probably one heck of a big lie that I am trying to live up to as a truth. There are good and bad sides to everything, be it either people, games or whatever. Am I trying to prove this to myself by picking those kinds of games? What a dumb way of doing it! Maybe I already did and I’m trying to further solidify my statement and make it a grand part of my life? Well sir, that’s it! Also, I read that the game contains erotic themes… Oh, yeah… “Divine Sealing”… The game… Right!

After acquiring the correct ROM, I load it up via an emulator. The game shows up, the title screen shines before my glasses in the dark room, the LR19 magic is ’bout to happen! I find no further options on the screen and every button seems to start the game right away. I see a planet, which I assume is Earth, given its watery- blue color hue. There is text in Japanese, but due to my limited knowledge of the language, I can make very little of it. At a certain point, the game finally starts… YOU ARE A SPACE FIGHTER SHIP!!!

Divine Sealing Done DONE!

First of all, I should mention that during my research, I was spoiled about the length of the game. Regardless, I don’t feel very confident about my skills when it comes to SHMUPS! Few seconds into the game, I try the controls. I find that I am able to only move around and shoot. However, what I do regarding the shooting, is that I TAP the button constantly, rather than holding it. It’s a habit that I’ve carried over from playing a lot a certain OTHER game of the same genre. A little later I realize that not only holding down the button does a favor for my finger, it also makes dealing with incoming enemies way, way more easier. If anything, it was the intended way of playing the game “correctly”, if one is to have any sort of fun with it.

A little later into the game, I receive my first death, though I could not properly identify the case. Enemies keep swarming all over the screen and the background is kind of in the way. [Kinda!?! You just wait until later…] I eventually manage to reach the boss of the stage. What a rude guy! I’ve never [?] seen a boss lunge directly at you at the very start. The unexpected course of action from its side cause me to panic and… RAM RIGHT AT IT! However, further into the battle, I realize that the boss patterns are fairly basic and taking cover in the lower left corner of the screen is a good, safe place, as the damn thing rarely moves over there.

The battle does not last for too long, wherein I eventually find myself victorious. A lady with blue hair appears on the screen, which I assume is there to thank me for defeating the boss. I guess the girls in the game are made with the idea of looking somehow relevant to the planets that you save. [???] That’s it, as long as you follow mythological stereotypes and the code of all- around anime hair color! Anyways, I am awarded with a strip show for all my work and I am quite amused by the girl’s facial expressions, as more and more of her clothes hit the floor.

The second level introduces new enemies and at that point, I start to realize how similar the game feels to “Star Force”. I am having trouble getting used to the new enemies and I lose a lot of lives. However, I finally notice that the case for most of my deaths are the little raisin- looking enemies, who tend to chase you around, trying to collide with your ship. Losing lives is rather unfortunate, as in this game, you lose all your power- ups as well. Upgrading your ship is solely based on points, as actual power- ups are not presented anywhere in the game. As far as power- ups go though, the upgrade only does work on your shot type and damage output. Still, being underpowered puts you in a situation where it’s harder to get back on your feet, especially in later levels. Take also into consideration that score provides you with extra lives per each upgrade that you receive! As I reach the second boss of the game, I move away, with the intuition that something similar to the first boss might occur yet again. I was right! The second boss is honestly pretty much the same as the first one in terms of patterns, but rather than moving around, it just teleports instantly on the screen, without any animation or warning, whatsoever. How nice…

Despite losing a few lives in the battle, I managed to prevail! The second girl shows up and I find her to be pretty cute and sexy, unlike the first one. Alright, hands down, the second girl is the best as a whole! Something, something, strip show and I lose my last life on the next stage. I restart the game, in attempt to do a 1cc again!

Divine Sealing DONE!

The next run goes a little bit better. While I’m still dying a lot to the raisins, I manage to memorize their spawn points and I find out that it’s easier to deal with them by staying at the bottom of the screen and shooting while moving. That way most of them will die, while those who reach you will fly behind you and get despawned. OH, I AM SUCH A CLEVER- TRICKY TRICK PERSON! Sadly, you cannot always hang at the bottom of the screen. The enemies tend to cover pretty much every spot on the screen, so you need to put in some effort to dodge here and there. The shooting enemies are not all that scary, the biggest issue in this game is to avoid deaths caused by colliding into most of the flying, suicidal enemies!

Once I manage to get back to the third level, this time I am able to deal better with everything on the screen that wants me death. I reach the third boss, who yet again, resembles a similar attack pattern to the first two. It’s avoid the shield and shoot the eyeball game, but because I keep hiding in the down- left corner and move slowly to avoid its bullets, the boss is gone in no time! A girl in a jump suit appears to fuel my ship, provide me with matchboxes or gum instead of what little change she owns me and also, strip. Thanks, gas station worker on MARS! [?]

What I love about the fourth level is the fact that due to the flashy background, enemy projectiles are really hard to spot on. That being said, I had a Game Over around the middle of the stage, but this time I choose to continue, rather than restart. I wanted to do a bit of scouting and practicing, before I attempt another 1CC run. Eventually, I reach the fourth boss, who is rather different this time! Instead of moving around too much, the guy tends to be more of the stationary, shooting type. Alas, it’s not all that impressive of a shooting and he gets down pretty easily. A chick in armor shows up and strips down, because as we all know, in the age of space travel, no one will take you seriously during a conversation where you are dressed as a kettle!

On the next and FINAL stage, I get another game over, but I choose to continue, again. Honestly, I do not have much to say about this stage. It’s like the third stage, where everything got recycled from the first two, but just in larger quantity, along with no flashy background. Thank God! As always, the boss feels and moves in similar patterns that the first three bosses showed me. The fight is hilariously easy… A really sexy lady in a really sex outfit shows afterwards and starts doing really sexy poses, and then the game ends. I hit the restart button yet again…

Surprisingly, the third run was actually the 1CC! I was really not expecting it! For one thing, I managed to finish the first level without a single death! Being powered up really helps you acquire more points and clear the screens way more easily! I got to power level 2 [or 3?], but I died once to the boss on the second stage! THAT INSTANT TELEPORTATION IS SO RUDE! The rest of the game went by smoothly, wherein’ I managed to cover up for my deaths with the constant lives that I obtained through score, dodging raisins the right way and… yeah. In the fourth stage, it helps to take notice of shooting enemies and their projectiles, while dropping down the focus on most enemy fliers who try to collide with you. It’s not the best strategy ever, but it certainly helped me pull through, with only three lives lost… Anyways, I do an ending check up, take a screenshots and DONE!

The music in this game is fairly decent. The gameplay – Not all that much! It’s honestly a pretty easy game, especially once you go through all the levels and start to understand how poor of a job recycling does for the overall enhancement of a video game.

I give this game a decent strip, an open mouth and eyes tight shut. Then, the cherry blossoms bloom.

Why this? – Happiness is a Warm Shower, “everyone”!

if only

In This Short Flash Game

I See A Timer Decreasing

I Take A Shower

Why This DONE!

1 out of 10. I wanna say that this would have been better if it wasn’t a game, but that would have been a total lie. No media can fix the plain, boring and horrid nature of this… Why this? Why, indeed?

…and here I thought that after the timer reaches zero, a spooky zombie would jump out of the tombstone! Instead, let’s just have some nonsense codes for… another game? Uh… Huh? What?